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[Count @wunsicks]

mr krabs dead sold spongebob soul for 62 cents

[ms.poopclapper @oregonstatepoop]

it would suck if drunk driving was illegal

[Meat Boy @god_brane]

me: think im gonna game with the boys tonight

wife: (pushes my head down and drips on my neck some of the serum they gave magneto in the 2003 X-Men movie) what do you really want?

me: on second thought let’s do each others makeup and watch Heated Rivalry

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

I wonder where I parked my car

[silly s @sourbrains]

when you’re so hot you don’t have to have sex

[安井南 @yasaiminami]

刀は、抱くように抜く

[realyuriyearners @realyuriyearns]

being yourself is the dark souls of being anybody at all.

[alice @z3nwi]

u need to learn to recognize when its time to get off the game, turn off pc and do smth else

[サン @_SDJRZ]

no quiero estudiar más. quiero estar paseando x irithyll, pegarle a algún tonto en los grandes archivos, farmear aura en el pico de archidragón, enlazar la llama después de tener una danza sexual y apasionada con soul of cinder. that kinda stuff

[サン @_SDJRZ]

"estuve pensando un montón en vos últimamente" yeah I do that

[Rob Henderson @robkhenderson]

Putting your phone away to watch TV counts as meditation now.

[Joseph 🕊️ @CaudilloXIV]

telling women i have a no socks inside the apartment policy

[神谷幾何 @koko_ni_iru4]

「セックスしないと出られない部屋」って童貞の自意識のことだ

[thunderba11r @thunderba11r]

Y'all sexualized the words mommy and daddy too much. My kid's gonna have to call me Holy Moonlight Greatsword.

[deertgirl @deertgurl]

when she asks for a video of me playing with myself so i send her me building legos

[Girth Brooks @crackawdajuice]

Showing my barber a video of his own death when he asks me what i want

[jifya8 @jifysn]

The Quran is so long like I ain’t reading allah dat

[saki @sakihttps]

All this trauma and still no sharingan