Shit Mark Says

History Enthusiast, Fuhrer of Laughs, and an Honourable Man. *Fan site dedicated to all the shit said (and thought) by Mark from Peep Show*

[Sunday League @SundayShoutsFC]

Tag a goalkeeper this reminds you of and say nothing. 😂😂

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

Maybe this is what it'll be like after the apocalypse, wandering around depressed, shooting children for fun.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

You know, Jez, I've started to get this feeling that I'm totally, totally fucked. You know? Everything's fucked.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

Ugh, speed dating, that was horrible. No one else seemed to mind, maybe this is the future, three minute date, three minute fuck, three minute marriage.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

All rational people agree it's a truth self-evident that it's impossible to have a good time on New Year's Eve. The pressure's too immense.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

The bin's for household waste, not beloved pets, et cetera!

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

For the worst thing that could possibly happen, this is actually going extremely well. #peepshow

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

Just keep nodding and smiling. Nodding and smiling like Colonel Gaddafi's psychoanalyst.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

It's not all a conspiracy to keep you in little boxes, all right? It's only the miracle of consumer capitalism that means you're not lying in your own shit, dying at 43 with rotten teeth.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

(Life's all pain. Pain, rejection, and gloom. Why do we even pretend there's anything but a yawning blankness at the heart of...Hey, 33% extra free. I am doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind means being even more frugal than normal.)

#peepshow

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

(Que sera, sera. Whatever will be will be. The future's not ours to see. If she fucks him, I'll kill myself.)

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

(Money might not buy you love, but apparently, a furnished flat can get you a reasonable simulation.)

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

(Maybe this is what it'll be like after the apocalypse, wandering around depressed, shooting children for fun.)

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

As you're always saying, the Beastie Boys fought and possibly died for my right to party.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

Ugh, baby. Note to self, re: being the Fonz, Mark you are not the Fonz.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

Yeah, murdering your enemies is quite a simple solution, which I guess is why in ethics and law it's so frowned upon.

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

(I am doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind means being even more frugal than normal.)

#peepshow

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

(She's taken my sperm. And sperm is like lending someone less than a fiver, you can't really ask for it back.)

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

(I could say he's got a... fat head. Call him a jizz-cock? Not actually an insult, all cocks are jizz-cocks really. Bit like calling him a piss-kidney.)

[Shit Mark Says @_Shit_Mark_Says]

Everyone at this party isn't as young, fit and single as they're making out. Yep, let's face it, we're all falling apart piece by piece. Doesn't matter if you're single or in a couple - you, are, going, to, die.