Aaron Ring

Bunny for hire. No job too cute.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

I wish everyone would get off Elon’s case about the salutes. It’s really adding to his kampf.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

@jenbegakis I'm so sorry.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

Intermittent fasting is just tech bro bulimia

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

@WendyLiebman 4 please

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

Worst Greeting Ever @mydailyblitz #comedycrowd #dailyblitz

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

Motion to call haircuts “headicures”

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

The best thing about middle age is that when I wake up in the morning, I’ve already wasted my life. So the rest of the day is my own.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

Happy Easter @jenbegakis! I don’t know you. You might not even be one person, as an Aesopian or Homeric group would better explain your output. But I believe that however many you are, most of you are Greek.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

@jenbegakis @AKBrews Thought that was Redd Foxx for second

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

@JohnDeVore Or just skip the book and go straight to HBO

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

College might be harder to afford these days, but it's much easier for parents to get their kids into a good school shooting.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

I was all set to get into BDSM. Then I choked.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

@jenbegakis Does Greece have snakes? If yes, fuck that guy.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

I’ve been doing this 8-minute workout. For 8 minutes a day, I’m in amazing shape.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

Republican paleontologists find dinosaurs killed off by woke asteroid

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

I wouldn’t swipe left on her for eating crackers in bed!

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

If it bites you again, it wants another ten. Don’t try to give it a twenty thinking “just in case it wants more.” Cats can only see tens.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

If your cat bites you, it wants $10.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

I always pour one on the ground for carelessness.

[Aaron Ring @AaronSR]

So is any one liner now considered a dad joke?