HelenGrantMParody

MP for Maidstone and the Weald. That's in Kent, near Tunbridge Wells, apparently!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

@madisonclaccy9 16

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Harsh, but fair

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

I'm so sick of people who live off hand outs from the Government!

Not me of course, other people.

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

A fellow Conservative paid me a great compliment today. He said "You’re not worthless.
Organs go for a lot on the Black Market."

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

This Donald Trump shooting has really got to me this week. Thoughts and prayers are useless. Only action will prevent future tragedy!

We have only one choice to make sure there are no future political violence:

Ban all other political parties.

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

In case you missed it, I'm back!

Here I am pledging allegiance to the Conservative Party. I will always do exactly what I'm told and nothing more!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Was having a lovely conversation with a man today. He was saying what a wonderful job I've done for Madestone and the Would.

Unfortunately, right at that moment his doctor tightened the straps on his jacket and lead him back into the hospital.

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Well done England, can't wait to see Wayne Rooney and the boys in the final!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Really can't thank @CllrDavidNaghi enough for this, really helped me stay on the gravy train!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Phew! Made it, just.

Thank you to the people of Madestone for your loyalty. I'm off to celebrate by doing what I do best, absolutely nothing.

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Yes, I'm going to win!

Not sure why, but still...

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

My photo op tour continues at a pace!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Oh bugger, I could be leader of the opposition! Not sure I can pretend to work that hard...

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

So it's looking like I'm going to be one of only a few Conservative MPs retaining my seat! Which means I might finally get a cabinet post.

Shadow cabinet, but still...

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

Oh bugger, a general election, this soon? Thanks for telling me Rishi!

What do u mean I didn't turn up for the meeting? ...oh fair enough.

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

It's an election year so it must be time for 'Helens Photo-Op Tour'!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

It's an election year so it must be time for 'Helens Photo-Op Tour'!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

I've been getting some flack about voting for poo in Rivers again. Well, heres the truth, I didn't!

I couldn't be bothered to go into Parliament, so I got someone else to do it.

https://t.co/ZSIWLWgQIu

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

It's an election year so it must be time for 'Helens Photo-Op Tour'!

[HelenGrantMParody @AbsenteeMP]

It's an election year so it must be time for 'Helens Photo-Op Tour'!