ThingsThatHappenInMyHead

Random thoughts of a mad man.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Imagine if they banned swearing in porn, it would be all "oh my gosh, yes, ah yes penetrate me, right there" and "frick yeah, you like that you sinless angel? Huh? Yeah? You want more, then here you are since you asked so nicely, ugh! yeah! Recieve my blessings."

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

I just found a monkey, a chicken and a tiger in our recycling. I think my partner is a cereal killer.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

There are people out there killing, rapeing, stealing etc doing lots of truly horrible horrible things on a daily basis. So you can stop worrying about that library book you never returned 10 years ago.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Im just gunna say it. All these lads that have stolen cars, crashed them and died recently, they got what they deserved, no sympathy from me.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

@michelleerrq So you want to wash your hands? wanna play a game?

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

If I were a tradie, i would always quote the customer way more than the job is worth so when it came to actually paying they would be happily surprised at how cheap the actual bill is and think I reduced it specially for them.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Since the Internet is becoming regulated by governments i feel like there should be one place people can freely argue passionately about a subject. Basically a cage for online trolls.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

App idea. Its called 'Argueble'. You search up or create your topic and type your basic view then post. your post is live, people with the opposite view can argue their point. This app is not to resolve issues but rather to cure people's hunger to argue with complete strangers

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Jump scares are the lowest form or horror movie trope. Any noise can be scary after 20 seconds of pure uninterrupted deathly silence in complete darkness. A cat screeching, a branch breaking etc. The only noise known to man that doesn't work in a jump scare, is a fart.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

I hate explaining myself. Because when someone asks me to explain my actions they arent looking to understand, they just want to know if its a good enough excuse for them or not

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Hot take. All large retailers should be required by law to have a large selections of goods made from recycled materials like toilet paper, disposable cups, plates and cutlery, clothing etc. And its not allowed to be more expensive than the leading brands in its category.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Ladies, before you get annoyed at a man for looking at your tit's please remember to ask yourself this question first. Is he being a creep? Or is he autistic and avoiding eye contact?

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Just so you know. All thise straight men attacking the trans comunity online are the same straight men on grindr looking for "trans and femme only"

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Someone once said "there is life after death" and if so then why do we come up with our dieing words? Like some people will spend years coming up with the best words to say before death. Wouldn't it be better to think of your first words after death instead?

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

To the 2 ladies that wouldn't move out of my way after I asked politely and forced me onto the road into on coming traffic. Fuck you, and for the love of God go buy some leggings that actually fit, your arses looked like a sack of mouldy potatoes

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

I have invented a term for people like me who cant stop saying puns. From now on, im a Punt. I also accept Punter, Mother Punter and Son Of A Punt.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

I hate abreaviations. Like who thought bbc could have multiple meanings. When i said i love bbc I clearly didn't mean British broadcasting corporation so stop trying to get me to pay a tv licence! I cant jerk off to Emmerdale.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Babies cry a hell of a lot and they are very very loud. So how did ancient humans keep them quiet so as not to attract predators? Or were humans just better parents back then so the babies never really cried much?

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Really wanna cut my grass but I dont want to interact with my neighbours. I guess I will just stay inside again.

[ThingsThatHappenInMyHead @AbsurdlyAlex]

Straight men: I hate trans people, its disgusting and unnatural.

Also straight men: discrete top looking for femme men or trans only. Can't accom because I have a wife and kids.