A Cynical Narcissist

These are simply the comedic rants of a crazy woman.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

@Raiders I want you to do an internet search about this great TV show called "Archer." There's a running joke that could help you sound less dumb and awful to the masses here. #Phrasing

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

I think that @HP should change their slogan. Maybe something like

"Hewlett-Packard, because F*CK those trees ."

Or

"Hewlett-Packard, BUY MORE INK."

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

I wish that @HP made any printer that wasn't shite. Wasting the last of my ink and 34 sheets of paper to unsuccesfully print a 4 page doc didn't give me the rush they think it should.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

Just discovered that there is a Jon B. Vevo channel on YouTube, and my ass needs to go to bed, y'all. 😂 https://t.co/ePJ0Tb5Sw1

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

@TouchBistro Is your server down? We can't run cards at our restaurant.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

Yep.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

@CogitoHayes One who took any amount of acid or mushrooms and thinks that this whole thing is a rave. I done seen it, bruh. It happens.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

For the record I'm not as mad about having to be a grown-up as I am about the lack of "Tales From the Crypt" pinball machine in my life That show was the shit. @JohnKassir is the shit. He didn't make being a grown-up this hard.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

If anyone needs me I'll just be over here w/my insomnia still wishing that I owned an old "Tales From the Crypt" pinball machine. Adulthood's going great. I'm doing great. 😂

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

She makes a solid point. Stop being so star struck, America. https://t.co/AfgKl63tQc

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

Wanna know how I know people blow smoke up your ass your whole life? Take the following example:

"Do what you love & the money will come."

Cool. WHY THE FUCK AREN'T WE ALL IN PORN THEN?

Miss me with that bullshit.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

I am so very sad to hear of the passing of @Ralphie_May . You were a lovely man. Thank you for taking the time to mentor me. Fly high ❤

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

The Earth is being swallowed by floods and fires. Your Gods must be pretty pissed. We should all maybe try to stop being garbage humans.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

"In My Defense" would make a good band, comic, or movie name. Totally sucks as a defense to any actual crime, though.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

You know how society is fucked?

Well, that's what you get for not typing "Amen," liking, and sharing, you huge asshole.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

I've seen tons of posts about the rich asshole fight & exactly two about Trump pardoning a racist for his crimes against humanity. Cool...

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

Pro tip: Maybe try not being an asshole. Have you tried not being an asshole? We should all maybe try not being an asshole sometimes.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

I still love your racist, homophobic, or self-righteous religious ass. I can't say that I like or respect you as much as I used to though.

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

The eclipse was NOT the end of days, what a total letdown. Guess I'll just keep watching all of us dicks argue and kill each other, sigh...

[A Cynical Narcissist @ACynNarc]

Finally remembered to share this with the hubby, and now I'm finally remembering to share it with you. #NailedIt

https://t.co/zxmieaR4IH