Chris

I write about addiction and becoming a functional human

[Chris @AddictedChris]

For all the people lingering in the shadows:

Maybe you're out there thinking that you could never be truly sober. That staying sober is the one thing you could never do. Maybe a part of you thinks it's completely mad to even consider sobriety.

Naked, without a life vest, without your old friend being there to hold you when you're anxious, to whisper words of embrace when the intrusive thoughts enter on lonely nights, to help you carry the weight of having to appear a functional human being.

So much baggage. Where did it all come from?

Who knows. But you know this: other people don't have to carry what you are carrying. How else are they gently existing without wanting to blow their brains out from the pressure of being conscious? Were they just born with quiet minds?

That must be it. They must have been born with a blessed brain, or at the least, saved from the curse that life inflicted on you, and only you. Do they know why you drink? Could they even understand if they tried?

It all just feels so alone.

Why even consider sobriety? It's not possible. How would that be possible?

If you tried and failed, would you sink even deeper? Another delusion drifting helplessly onto the pile of wreckage that is your life story?

Perhaps what you fear isn't failure. Maybe the thing you fear the most is having hope. Because having hope before losing it is so, so painful, and you don't deal with pain very well.

Normal people fall and get up again. Not you. The pain floors you for months, taking all hope of change with it. Better to avoid the pain than to be crushed completely. Pain is the catastrophe, the armageddon, and only a madman would willingly enter the end of the world.

You want to avoid the pain, but it never goes away. You just manage to hide it, to push it away before it comes back. You know it, but what's the alternative?

You've tried fighting and you've tried avoidance. Both lead back to the same thing. Both are extremes that fuel the stream of addiction.

What if you did something you've never tried before? For 10 seconds, a minute, what if you could hold the line and withstand the tidal wave of emotions when you stand still?

What if you stand in the middle of the storm and just keep standing there? Like a simpleton who doesn't know anything about anything.

Not reacting. Observing. Sometimes feeling. But mostly observing. Right in the boring middle. Where you never wanted to be.

'This is so stupid' the brain keeps repeating. You don't react, because you have just become Forrest Gump, standing there like an idiot.

You tell the brain that 'stupid is as stupid does,' because for a smart person you have done some stupid things. Time to stop being smart. Time to try something else.

So you go into dumb perseverance. Not pushed to any one side. Not running away. Not fighting. But standing. Observing. Sober. For an hour, maybe even one whole day.

Maybe for that one day being sober doesn't seem that impossible anymore.

Maybe you could even do it the next day too. And 1 more. And 1 more...

Maybe one day you look out over the horizon, and you suddenly realize there used to be a storm where now there is nothing but clear waters.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@SeamusMcTier Yeah I know. I was one of those people who was barely open enough to get sober. Still barely open enough to look for answers and change.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@SeamusMcTier Sounds really good.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu Well... Allright

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu ahhh

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu Wow! The water is so blue.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu Good.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu You're welcome

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu Wow

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@charlieP_123 Im skating, climbing and lifting. I volunteer in a kitchen but life direction wise i hit a dead end. Been praying for answers. 3,5 year sober but it means very little. Been wanting to write but not sure of the point. Nobody can make sense for me but me.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu aint that the truth

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@MattiasVerde I have to do this life thing while being completely myself. I have to.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@SeamusMcTier Well, that's a good reason to write then.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu Spring soon. Have a great day Almu. Enjoy the trip.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu I like it so that checks out.

[Chris @AddictedChris]

@ThisIsAlmu btw you got all my old ones except the black one, you got that from my sponsor.