cornstar

preschool teacher aka 3y/o wrangler

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

It's a beautiful day to get your pussy swabbed

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Today is the kind of day where I'm going to the bathroom just for a moment of peace

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Reasons my preschoolers had meltdowns today:
-(Unprompted) "But my hair is not curly"
-"She has milk" (kid crying also had milk)
-"I didn't get a jelly bean" (no one had jellybeans)
-"But I don't have a penis" (a girl, when asked to go potty)
-"My super power is not stronger"

[Road Dog Karl @HammerFist3]

Red Button, Blue Button…. How’s about I press the secret third Yellow Button that opens a small doorway & the vacuum cleaner “Noo-Noo” from Teletubbies comes sliding out & sucks me off to completion

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Anybody wanna explain why pharmacists can't take staggered lunch breaks like the rest of us?? Why are we shutting down my access to my medication during the only time of day I can go get it

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Being a kiss ass got me WAY ahead today -- now my boss's boss is getting me 2 new rugs and a new rolling white board just to match my classroom decor 💅😘

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Best part of work everyday is coming in to 10-30 kiddos yelling "miss aLYSSE" and running at me for hugs

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

I miss deep cleaning so much I started scrubbing my bathroom grout for fun,,,,, praise be to the holy Trinity, baking soda, peroxide, and dawn 🙌🙏

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

I stg if I hear a kid whine my name one more time today I'm going to eat a bullet

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Forgot how much fiber is in raisin bran and ate 3 bowls last night now my tummy is fucked up at the preschool

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Today one of my 3y/o kiddos poked my boob and said "miss Alysse your tummy is getting kind of big"

[Trixie Mattel™ @trixiemattel]

a renovation show where I show up and physically assault people who painted everything white.

[Sophia Benoit @1followernodad]

nothing sends a 3 year old over the edge like when you sing along to a song and they didn’t want you to

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

@damnidc__ stopping and rolling my window down whenever I see men with car problems to ask if their mom or wife is on her way to help 💕

[NO CONTEXT HUMANS @HumansNoContext]

I will never skip this video

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

It's official! We're getting married!!!!

[sara “THE RED SACRAMENT” hinkley @boneysoups]

crazy how there's this time of year when literally everyone's doing bad and it's november after daylight savings

[cornstar @ADHD_Alysse]

Calling the school kitchen from my classroom to have chef Cody pretend to be Santa and tell my kids they'll go on the naughty list unless they take their god damn nap

[Degen CPA @DrewVento]

They’re doing this to me at work tomorrow