TheBustedAdvisor

Fresh from forty years of creating mayhem across the globe to dispense my accumulated wisdom of what not to do in management consulting

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

My first brown paper was in a picking and packing automotive spares operation. It was over 30 ft long and the process was overly complicated for this simple business. When the MD saw the flow, he fired the Packing Section Manager.

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

In the current climate, I'm reminded of this.....

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

Watched a webinar yesterday from a top brand business school on 'Crisis Leadership' - it seems you can make an academic career out of 'stating the bleeding obvious'. Am I missing something or is this 'the Emperor's New Clothes' given credibility by a global brand? Utter B*****ks

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

In my early days in consulting we were not supposed to leave the bird room (the consultants work room for the uninitiated) without our jackets, in order to look as though we belonged in the C suite. The first time I forgot my jacket, somebody stole my wallet....

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

@giantpeach Bloody hell.........

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

Tact has never been my great strength, tell it how it is I say. I wish I had heard Churchill’s quote when I was a bit younger: “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell but in such a way that they look forward to the trip”. #busted #advisor #consultant #management #lead

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

Hopefully, now we can't touch hands anymore, people will stop 'touching base'.

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

You can say “Covid-19” to the tune of “Come on, Eileen,” - you'll never hear it any other way now

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

When I came into consulting, change management did not exist. Now it has become an industry in its own right but let us not forget it is still okay to tell people to just go and do it and not dance around our handbags in the process. #consulting #busted #advisor #Management

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

Northern Rail - allegedly they are not allowed to contact drivers after 7.00pm in the evening. When are the rosters published for the next day? 7.00pm. It does not take a consultant or re-nationalisation to sort that one out. #busted #advisor #consulting #management

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

On a related point - I think anyone using the phrase 'I'm back-to-back' should be placed on warning and given time management training - the insanity of 'busy' #Busted #advisor #consulting

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

I get at least two emails a day asking me to "jump on a quick call". Occasionally it's to "hop on a quick call". I’m soon out of breath whilst on the call... And then ask me to “dive into a quick meeting” which always strikes me as dangerous. #busted #advisor #consulting

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

In the early days we bought two identical suits.. to leave one jacket permanently on the back of the chair so the Client always thinks you’re there……..and the spare trousers for doing 'brown papers'....

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

I arrived booted and suited recently at a client where they were having dress down Friday and work a thirty-five-hour week. I only dress down and work a 35-hour week when I am on holiday! #BUSTED #advisor #Management #consultants

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

I was in a restaurant the other day and the service was bad, so I calculated the ratio of serving staff to the number of covers – 12 is the optimum – and was about to advise the manager pro bono when I realised it was time I retired! #busted #advisor #management #consultant

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

Real Teamwork is only required to solve real problems where the solution is unknown and uncertainty is high, the rest of the time it is good enough just to cooperate. Are we wasting lots of money on team building when it might be better to go the pub for a game of darts? #advisor

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

I came in to management consulting when the only qualifications were a dark suit, a white shirt, a silk tie, black knee socks and the ability to follow instructions to take 30% off the payroll. Whatever happened to all those ties -and the need to improve productivity?

[TheBustedAdvisor @AdvisorBusted]

Superannuated advisor from a time when complex calculations were done with a guessing stick, calculators were just adding machines and performance improvement was all about short interval control - more to follow