Dan Krueger

firmly grasp it

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

"I don't mean to brag but I ate a loooot of hot dogs this week"

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

Fair warning, if I have to wait in one more 10 minute line at a gas station for people buying Powerball tickets and scratchers I'm going postal

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

Bingo bango bongo

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

Having money is very cool

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

Time I spend cooking- 1 hour
Time I spend eating- 4 and a half minutes

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

What kinda grown man writes in pencil

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

How do u even evaluate rob gronkowski for a concusson?

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

Guy across the street: Ayy man lemme holla atchu right quick

Me: Well ya just did sooo ima be on my way now

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

I think I'm gonna start telling unnecessary lies to complete strangers. Just to work on a game face

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

@DLugosBC Hahaha I'm well aware I'm a penguins fan. But you gotta admit they're better to watch all season and their playoff runs are still impressive

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

It's crazy how underrated hockey is, idk how all you Redskins fans take L after L and don't support your city's best team

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

@chief___zeef What can I say

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

@phillipb98 Falling asleep in my work clothes and waking up at 1040 to go back to work at 11 in the same clothes wasn't comfortable... yet convenient

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

I think I got roofie'd in the comfort of my own home last night

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

@KingWiskur Or people that act like their professors boned them with papers at the end of the semester that they've had weeks to finish but chose not to

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

When are we gonna get a 30 for 30 about Ray Lewis' double homicide?

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

Good things come to those who wait great things come to those who gamble

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

When you realize your 12 packs a month expired and even the distributor knows you got-

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

We need a state regulated list of foods that are illegal to eat while driving

[Dan Krueger @aFreshCanOfDan]

The PBR or Rolling Rock with a shot of Evan Williams type hipsters are the worst