Eric Hilton

I champion both sunscreen and excellent hydration while exemplifying a work life imbalance.

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Addison be loving they stop lights

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Idk if it works this way for y’all, but if my kid is constipated, I just go to a restaurant. We’ll be in the bathroom in no time. #dadlife #dad

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

My children each just had meltdowns about wanting to use the teal toothbrush.

The girl was awarded the teal toothbrush, it’s hers.

The boy got the yoshi toothbrush.

The girl got the princess toothbrush.

The teal was not used.

#parenting #dad

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Blink-182. Am I right? #blonk182 #dallas #soold

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

My wife just threatened to take my kids glamping so that they could learn how to “rough it” and by that she means, “life wife commercials”

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Carded my first eagle in switch sports today. Father’s Day sure is magical #dad

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Thinking about installing bird spikes to keep my kids off the counters. Has anyone had luck with this? #dad

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

@jonrcrowell 😂😂

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Well. I’m certainly glad I put some baby power down south, but it’s pretty outside.

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

I haven’t done this in a minute. But it’s time. @AmericanAir it’s unreasonable to say a flight is “delayed” if it’s “delayed” over night. That’s cancelled and we’re trying again tomorrow. Double sucks to lose my first class seat for a middle row on another carrier.

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

As a dad I convince myself, “I’d starve for my children.”

When my kid wants to eat my entire plate of enchiladas, I’m not sure it’s true.

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

I was describing different ways to brush teeth to my son and I realized where all late 90s and early 2000s rappers got their lyrics…
Up and down
Side to side
Front, middle, and back
Get a glass of water
It was all one lesson on pearly whites

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Y’all ever have a hard time discerning, “is this a kid-toy whisk? Or a grown-up-cooking whisk that is in the process of being annexed to a kid-toy whisk?” #dadlife

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

I’m entering a new sad era.

My 5 y/o now knows how to open the universal “kids don’t open this” knob.

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

5: let’s play the animal guessing game!
3: no!
3: I’m not playing, I’ve had a long day!

10:39 am

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

Ain’t no bar take as long as hat creek burgers

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

That moment when @Kyle_Schmidt19 shows up yells, “yooooo is this kids bop?!”

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

2: poopy head.
SO: do you need to go to the bathroom to talk that way?
2: yes! <walks to bathroom>
2: HI POOPIE HEAD!
2: HI POOPIE HEAD!
2: HI POOPIE HEAD!
💀

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

After getting away from coco Mellon, I can say for sure: kidz bops slaps.

[Eric Hilton @aGenERICTweet]

@prettyblusmurf Many many years.