Agent8...?

I like to play games and listen to music.

[Cuter_ClanketTW @Cuter_ClanketTW]

Quite the Fluffyyyyy Scug Comm/
#rainworldart #slugcat

[Lofi Girl @lofigirl]

“You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try” - Dolly Parton 🧡

[メヤ @FloaMeya]

仲良し♡

[therandomray @therandomray]

post

[oz 💉🩸 busy! @ozmodai]

gay little eevees

[Sevi 🌸🌿 Now on VGen! @SeviYummy]

New adoptables available on my VGen ! ⭐️
Link in first comment! ~

[leafye✨(formerly canvas) @smy4_]

You have 3 assignments due.

[leafye✨(formerly canvas) @smy4_]

@KelsoBurnsUAll having furries inside me felt great actually

[Sol @ZachRedd2]

@MoofusHasPassed Looks interesting-
*Shows Company Brand*

[KenFarmer ⒶⓋ @KenFarmer]

This is one of many false allegations that will never show up in the stats. This guys life could have been ruined, but luckily he had an alibi.

[👑Moofus👑 @MoofusHasPassed]

Whole house disappointed bruh

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

A cat café in Tokyo has hired me as a "cat mood interpreter" and I don't actually have any qualifications but I'm somehow very good at it.

Manager: We need someone to tell customers what the cats are feeling.

Me: I'm not a cat expert.

Manager: Do you understand cats?

Me: I mean... sometimes?

Manager: You're hired.

First day:

Customer: Why won't this cat come to me?

Me: looks at cat

Cat: sitting with back turned

Me: You're being too eager. The cat finds it overwhelming.

Customer: How do you know?

Me: Look at the tail. It's twitching. That's overstimulation.

Customer: What should I do?

Me: Ignore the cat completely.

Customer: That seems counterproductive.

Me: Trust me.

Customer ignored the cat.

Cat immediately became interested.

Walked over.

Sat on customer's lap.

Customer: You're magic.

Me: I'm just paying attention.

Second day:

Manager: Customer wants to know which cat likes them best.

Me: observes the room

Three cats are nearby.

Cat 1: Looking away.

Cat 2: Grooming itself.

Cat 3: Slow blink at customer.

Me: Cat 3. The tabby.

Customer: How do you know?

Me: Slow blink is a cat kiss. Cat 3 is in love with you.

Customer: crying

Manager: You made a customer cry.

Me: Happy tears!

Customer: I've never been loved by a cat before!

Third day:

New customer: Why is that cat screaming at me?

Cat: loud meowing

Me: That's not screaming. That's talking.

Customer: About what?

Me: listens to the meow pattern

Me: You have treats. The cat would like some.

Customer: I didn't bring treats!

Me: Check your pocket.

Customer: checks, finds treats from earlier visit

Customer: How did you know?

Me: The cat's pitch. It's specifically the "you have food" pitch.

Customer: Cats have different pitches?

Me: Seven that I've identified.

Manager: taking notes

Fourth day:

Customer: This cat keeps bringing me toys.

Cat: drops mouse toy at customer's feet

Me: The cat wants to play.

Customer: I threw it three times. The cat won't stop.

Me: Did you throw it enthusiastically?

Customer: I guess?

Me: You have to throw it reluctantly. Cats prefer to convince you to play.

Customer: That makes no sense.

Me: Cats make no sense. But it works.

Customer threw it half-heartedly.

Cat: delighted

Played for five minutes, then stopped on its own.

Customer: WHAT.

Me: Psychology.

Fifth day:

Manager: We're getting reviews mentioning you specifically.

Me: Really?

Manager: "Cat interpreter is a genius." "Finally someone explained my cat's behavior." "I understand cats now."

Me: I'm just... observing?

Manager: You're translating. It's a gift.

Sixth day:

A cat sat on my lap.

Wouldn't move.

Customer: What's the cat saying?

Me: That I need a break.

Manager: Take fifteen minutes.

Me: The cat is managing me now?

Manager: The cat knows burnout when it sees it.

I took a break.

The cat purred the entire time.

Seventh day:

Customer: Why does this cat keep knocking things off the table?

Cat: pushes cup toward edge

Me: The cat is testing physics.

Customer: What?

Me: Seriously. Cats test gravity. It's enrichment.

Customer: Should I stop it?

Me: Only if you want to deprive the cat of scientific discovery.

Customer: ...I'll let it continue.

Manager: You're justifying chaos now.

Me: I'm explaining motivation!

Eighth day:

A stressed customer came in.

Me: The gray cat. Third shelf. That's your cat today.

Customer: How do you know?

Me: That cat specializes in anxiety relief. Very calming energy.

Customer sat with the gray cat.

Thirty minutes later: visibly relaxed.

Customer: I feel so much better.

Me: The cat knew.

Manager: How do you do this?

Me: Cats have specialties. You just have to match them with the right human.

Ninth day:

Manager: We want you full-time.

Me: As a cat interpreter?

Manager: As Cat Experience Manager.

Me: That's a title?

Manager: It is now.

I accepted.

Tenth day:

Training a new employee.

Employee: How do I know what the cats want?......🧵

[Lofi Girl @lofigirl]

he’s so cute 🥹

[Lofi Girl @lofigirl]

nothing planned today and i'd like to keep it that way ☺️

[Rafa @rafakp]

I would move heaven, earth, sea and three-headed fish as a mechanic to wield my trusty blaster again

thank you @mi_itara for bringing my vision to life down to every barnacle and button on that luna! hope everyone had a blast playing #SplatoonRaiders #スプラトゥーンレイダース

[August Raven @AugustRaven]

AND YOU MY FRIEND HAVE NOT EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT BUYING SPOTIFY PREMIUM!

[Lofi Girl @lofigirl]

maybe he’s doing the same with me, who knows??

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

Went to karaoke alone. Needed to blow off steam.

Booked a room for one hour.

Sang terribly. Felt better.

Tried to leave.

Door: LOCKED.

Pressed the help button.

Staff on intercom: Did you complete the EXPERIENCE?

Me: I sang for an hour!

Staff: Did you achieve EMOTIONAL BREAKTHROUGH?

Me: WHAT?!

Staff: Our AI monitors emotional state through song choice and vocal patterns. You're still stressed. Keep singing.

Me: This is ILLEGAL!

Staff: It's in the terms and conditions.

Me: LET ME OUT!

Staff: Sing three more songs. Happy songs. Then we'll reassess.

Hour two, I'm SCREAMING Into the mic.

Still locked.

Staff: Your anger is valid but unproductive. Try ballads.

Me: I'M CALLING THE POLICE!

Staff: Your phone has no signal in the soundproof room.

Hour three, I broke.

Started singing sad songs.

Cried.

Screamed.

Had a full breakdown.

Staff: *intercom* THERE IT IS! Emotional breakthrough achieved!

Door unlocked.

Stumbled out.

Staff at desk: *applauding* Well done!

Me: You KIDNAPPED me!

Manager: We PROVIDED THERAPY.

Me: I'M SUING!

Month two, my lawyer: You can't sue. You signed the waiver.

Me: What waiver?!

Lawyer: *shows me* Page 4, section 7: "Emotional Breakthrough Protocol."

Me: This is INSANE!

Month four, they invited me BACK.

Offered me ¥50,000 to be a testimonial.

Me: Absolutely not.

Them: ¥100,000.

Me: ...what would I have to say?

Them: That our method works.

Me: It was TRAUMATIC!

Them: But did it help?

Me: ...I mean, I did feel better after.

Them: EXACTLY.

Month six, I'm their SPOKESPERSON.

"Karaoke Breakthrough Therapy"

Ads everywhere.

Month eight, they're franchising.

10 locations across Japan.

Month ten, I own 5% equity.

Worth ¥20 million.

My girlfriend: You got Stockholm Syndrome from a KARAOKE ROOM?

Me: I got HEALED by a karaoke room!

Girlfriend: You got LOCKED IN!

Me: Same thing!

Last week, someone else got locked in.

Called me screaming: GET ME OUT!

Me: Just sing through it. You'll feel better.

Them: YOU'VE JOINED THEM!

Me: I've joined SUCCESS!

Click.

They called back three hours later.

Them: ...I feel amazing.

Me: Welcome to the family.

[marqix ☆ @fwmarqix]

I went to the same 7-Eleven in Shibuya every morning for coffee.

Week three, the cashier greeted me with: "Welcome back, chosen one."

Me: ...what?

Her: Nothing. ¥140 please.

Week five, different cashier, SAME greeting: "Welcome back, chosen one."

Me: Why do you all call me that?

Him: *nervous laugh* It's just a joke we have.

Month two, there were PHOTOS of me on the staff room wall.

Saw them through the door.

Me drinking coffee. Me buying onigiri. Me looking at magazines.

With CAPTIONS: "Day 47: He bought the tuna." "Day 53: He smiled at Yuki-san."

Me: *pointing* WHY ARE THERE PHOTOS OF ME?!

Manager appearing: Ah. You saw the shrine.

Me: THE WHAT?!

Manager: We believe you're good luck. Sales are up 40% since you started coming.

Me: That's a COINCIDENCE!

Manager: We tested it. When you don't come, sales drop.

Me: You're TRACKING whether I come in?!

Manager: *pulls out spreadsheet* You came 94 out of 97 days. The three days you missed, we had our worst sales of the year.

Entire staff nodding solemnly.

Me: This is insane!

Manager: This is DATA.

Month four, they started PROTECTING me.

I tried to go to a different konbini.

Staff member appeared out of NOWHERE.

Her: Please. Don't go to Lawson. Think of us.

Me: How did you know I was going to Lawson?!

Her: We have scouts.

Me: SCOUTS?!

Month six, found out they'd been leaving OFFERINGS at the shrine.

My favorite coffee. Fresh onigiri. Little notes: "Please keep visiting."

Month eight, corporate found out.

Corporate guy: You've built a SHRINE to a customer?!

Manager: He's not just a customer. He's our MASCOT.

Corporate guy: *looking at the spreadsheet* ...these numbers are incredible.

Corporate guy to me: Would you consider visiting our other locations?

Me: Are you SERIOUS?

Month ten, I'm getting PAID ¥50,000 per month to visit 7-Elevens across Tokyo.

Official title: "Customer Experience Ambassador"

Real job: Be the "lucky customer" for struggling stores.

Month twelve, I have FANS.

People waiting at stores to see the "chosen one."

My girlfriend: You're famous for buying coffee?

Me: I'm famous for BEING LUCKY while buying coffee.

Girlfriend: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Last week, a store in Osaka requested me.

Flew me out. Put me in a hotel.

Took photos of me buying a sandwich.

Sales up 35% the next week.

I've become a konbini CRYPTID.

And I'm making ¥200,000/month doing it.

Never underestimate the power of routine.

[Doglover @puppiesDoglover]

Cute puppy