Austin Hall

I tweet things only I think are funny & RT things that are actually funny

[Austin Hall @AHall88]

You, an idiot: I'm going to do a line of cocaine
Me, smart: Actually, you're going to do a line segment of cocaine

[Fantasy Life @MBFantasyLife]

In today’s Fantasy Life Newsletter, presented by @Unest:

🔮 4 “What If?” scenarios that could happen
🏈 Game-by-game breakdowns
🥫 Cupps’ Cupboard
https://t.co/AGObRLj2b0

[Austin Hall @AHall88]

@mate_stepkins @kevin_hairless Good thing they allowed themselves 3 more years to cash in

[Elvis Buñuelo @Mr_Considerate]

It’s never spelled out – and I think it should be – that since 1948, 95% of all casualties in Israel and Palestine have been one side of the conflict. Since October 7, that rises to 98%.

[Taylor Lorenz @TaylorLorenz]

“We found the company's phony authors and their work everywhere from celebrity gossip outlets like Hollywood Life and Us Weekly to venerable newspapers like the Los Angeles Times.” https://t.co/7mijrtFMLG

[HTB ♨️ @HenryTheBlasian]

“Find A Man Named Nikola Jokic, Convince Him To Pursue Horse Racing Full Time”

[Omar Shahabudin McDoom @omarmcdoom]

As a genocide scholar, I have tried to understand the arguments I have read for why Israel’s conduct in Gaza does not constitute genocide. I struggle. The counter-arguments are not difficult. Here are 8 arguments I've heard and what I think in response. 1/n

[Pugmane🐾 🐛 🥫 @pugmane]

What if the rock loves hamburgers so much his team has to keep erasing his memory like in Men in Black so he stays in shape

[Marcus is Fighting @CosmonautMarcus]

If you think about it, baseball and football have turn based combat

[St. Paul Pork Product @DGR3XL]

When Shania Twain says “Let’s Go, Girls” and I’m two rooms away

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

reminder that scout from to kill a mockingbird had the best halloween costume of all time

[ayan. @artan_ayan]

The Director of the UN's New York office just resigned after thirty years at the organisation over the UN's handling of the ongoing genocide of Palestinians.

The entirety of his resignation letter is a necessary read but this first page blew me away.

[brent @murrman5]

[traffic court judge after hearing why I was speeding] well maybe take limp bizkit off your playlist

[Joshin and Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

[youth pastor voice] kids, dune 2 has been delayed until 2024, but nothing's stopping you from dune 2 others as you would have them dune 2 you right now

[Non-Ironically T.V.'s B. Dave Walters - EVERYWHERE @BDaveWalters]

Once again: The Internet achieves perfection

[Anna Mazzola - is not here @Anna_Mazz]

It's 45 years since the best ever account of an attempted crime.

From the Edinburgh Evening News, 18 August 1978.

[Ava Boo @_kevinkirkland]

Y’all gotta see how dirty he did her 😫😂