Aimee Landrum

It is difficult to be intimidating when you have the hiccups.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Give a fish a man and you'll feed it for a day.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

20 Pics Of People Caught In An Agonizing Moment That Will Make You Feel Slightly Less Numbed For Three Seconds!

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

I wish I could just plug in Matrix style and download every pun ever told so I won't do the goofy chuckle whenever I haven't heard one.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

When you wake up in the middle of the night with a craving and open the fridge.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

First rule of absent-minded club is I like cheese. Seriously, on almost anything.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Awesome group cuddle. Now where's my glasses?

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Plot twist: We were China all along.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

If you're right all the time it must be comforting to know there's always someone left out there to prove wrong.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

I'm gonna call you... Ukraine.

[chuuch @ch000ch]

me [dead and in hell for over 3000 years]: still can't believe i used the wrong you're in that one tweet

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Well this looks exciting.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Defrost means "to voluntarily wait salivating for longer than necessary" in microwave.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Don't be upset now, but you should know I've faked every single sarcasm. It's not you, it's me.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Smart-ass points awarded to co-worker Ben for pointing out that I described him with the adjective "undescribable".

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

*panics and sets phone to fight mode*

*737 turns into F16*

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

This responsibility thing is getting out of hand. I'm pretty sure I don't want any of it.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

I suck at flirting. And other eye contact sports such as social interaction.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

I always carry a can of pepper spray, an expandable baton and a rhythm stick. Better safe than sorry.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

When you're all pooped after a long knight shift.

[Aimee Landrum @AimeeOfcourse]

Agreed!