Alan Bennett

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

Watching the sun come up over Milford Sound, New Zealand

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

@JimmyBarnes I was born in 1963 in Elizabeth. Only those who lived there can understand what a hell-hole it was. You showed us a way out. I took a different path by getting a Uni degree. Each of us needed to find a way out x

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

When you tell the truth, you don’t need to have a good memory

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

Pit Bulls are vicious bastards. If you own one then you have a very small penis.

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

Why do greyhounds need to be muzzled, but more dangerous don’t? Greyhounds are beautiful dogs. Unlike pit bulls.

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

I look forward to trying them on an aircraft. If they work then Bose are out of business. I don’t think that will happen. I will take both on board to compare. It may be some time 🙂

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

Oh my goodness, the noise reduction on the new AirPods is amazing

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

At a metre outside our bedroom were two potentially killing tigers. But I loved them.

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

They wov each other. I was my family and I were less than a metre away from them. Thank goodness for thick glass

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

We slept there.

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

@MrKRudd @FinancialTimes Well done. Now I know what to ask for, for Christmas

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

I have flown coast to coast across the US. Everywhere there is evidence of life. I have also flown across Australia. There is bugger all for hours. We are massive for our relatively low population

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

I just laughed at something I wrote four years ago. That is incredibly embarrassing

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

I went to my Doctor the other day for a general checkup. Everything seemed fine, but apparently one of my testes is ever so slightly lower than the other three.

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

you are a cunt

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

I love them. As long as the little bastards don't swoop me.

[Canberra Things @ThingsCanberra]

Magpie

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

Get over it, for goodness' sake. It's just a touchdown in a game

i

[Jessica Smetana @jessica_smetana]

Not enough ppl talking about this

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

Elon Musk is an absolute cunt. Proof? Everything he said during Trump's campaign

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

I hope you will keep an eye out for Jacinta and Yolande, my girls. They are both at uni

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

My last auntie has died. Of my Nanas 5 children only one survives. My aunties were very kind to me, especially when I was homeless after cyclone Tracy (50 years ago next month).

My uncle is the last one. He is a beautiful person, who fought in the Vietnam War. I’m not worthy

[Alan Bennett @AlanSBennett]

For the first time in my life, I live a convenient walk away from a Convenience Store. I didn’t move - they moved in. How convenient 🙂