Alan Wales

Astronaut, World Series MVP, best-selling novelist, stand-up comedian—I am none of these. However, I am husband, dad, I dispense sarcasm, and read a lot. A LOT.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

Have you checked your back issues?

[The New York Times @nytimes]

The New York Times needs your help. We’re looking for false information being spread deliberately to confuse, mislead, or influence voters ahead of the 2018 midterm elections. https://t.co/p3eeW5fnGm

[Bite-Sized Nostalgia @landofthe80s]

I'd say this is approximately 100% accurate. 😁

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

Hey Baby Boomers! If you were ever at Uncle Sam's nightclub in the 70's (now 1st Avenue) and survived, you've got nothing to worry about regarding hantavirus.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@StarTribune Another hard-hitting investigative story from the Star Tribune!

BTW, only EV owners and people who use mass transit to commute can answer this question with a "No."

[Pow'r Wrap @powrwrap]

Jose Fernandez, 22 yr. old rookie on the #DBacks, hit 2 HRs in his major league debut last night against the #Tigers in Phoenix. He hit a solo shot in the 4th and then clubbed a 3 run HR in the 8th off veteran closer Kenley Jansen to give the #DBacks the lead.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@TwinsAlmanac Gary Gaetti

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

Even though I handle my bag of potato chips--from store to home, and then within my home--as if it were a vial of nitroglycerin, they always turn into useless shards.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@stetsondoggett Looking at phone
Looking at phone
Looking at phone
Looking at phone
Looking at phone
Looking at phone
Looking at phone
Looking at phone

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@WHENESOTA Haven't had a problem with any of these Am Standard Champion toilets. The oldest one has been installed for 5 years now.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@WHENESOTA Likely the bad reviews are from people who tried to DIY and didn't know what they were doing. Over the years I've had three Champions replace my old toilets and they've been fabulous. They flush like a tornado. I did have them professionally installed.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@baseballinpix Eugenio Suarez of the Arizona Diamondbacks hit four home runs in a game on April 26, 2025 at Chase Field vs. the Chicago Cubs, yet the Diamondbacks lost the game. So Horner's 4 HR game resulting in a loss is not the only time it's happened.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@RustyGoomba Wordle 1,644 5/6

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⬛🟨⬛🟩⬛
🟨⬛🟩🟩🟨
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[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

@LloydLegalist @wm_robinson I changed all my passwords to "Invalid". Now if I can't remember my passwords my computer will tell me what they are! As in, "Your password is invalid."

[80s on the Brain @80sOnTheBrain]

#OnThisDay in 1955 Doctor Emmett Brown invented time-travel

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

"Still his dad had believed in the Bible,"
Note: David's dad was an alcoholic that got in fights with his wife.

"He realised he missed his dad immensely."
Note: Missed the drunken brawls Dad had with Mom

"The kindest soul I have ever met.”
Note: When he wasn't an abusive drunk.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

I found the archives of my notes from Kindle books going back years. Wow, this is fun! I recorded a lot of really bad similes and metaphors. What follows is some excerpts.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

"The Last Alchemist" by Erik Hamre

"Let the invisible hand of life lead you to the life you are meant to live."
Note:Huh?!

"You need to ask yourself what it is you really want to do with your life."
Note:I thought we were supposed to let the invisible hand of life lead us.

[Alan Wales @AlanWales_]

"I would bite my teeth together."
Note:What?

David Dypsvik.
Note:Really? Just name him David Dipshit and get it over with. Be honest.