Alexander Fairchild

A true democrat.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

“@theericlemiere: @AlexFairchild am I immature for laughing at this?”//

How dare you.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Black beans singin in the dead of night, take this broken wind and learn to breathe...

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

If you cheese that cow, you'll milk away the greatest havarti...

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Billie Cheese is not my cheddar, she's just a curd who claims that I'm provolone...

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Billy Cheese is not my cheddar, she's just a curd who claims that I'm provolone...

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to dis a brie...

[Denny’s @DennysDiner]

What's your strat here? Do you use a spoon for the ice cream or a fork for the brownie? #ThisorThat

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

"Frozen" was tubular, even though the country pop song "Let It Go" was so terrible that I yelled "BS" in the theatre.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Bringing back "tubular" this month.

Next month will be "rocks".

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Living with a woman teaches you this: blood is thicker than water, but chocolate is thicker than blood.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

If I were a character in a movie, the last place I'd park would be on train tracks.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Elf is already on repeat.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Is there anything better than a filthy breakfast? cc: @DennysDiner @WaffleHouse @IHOP

I submit that there is not.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Big Mommas House was on last night on BET and it was hysterical.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

The first divisive issue I'll tackle?

Motorcycle insurance.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

I'm thinking of doing a political album—enough of this "bring the world together with songs of love business."

❤️👯👯👯👯👯❤️

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Create your own caption.

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Do you have it?

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

@RachelSayers thank you!!!!

[Alexander Fairchild @AlexFairchild]

Here's a special feature from #LastFM SESSIONS. http://t.co/VmMXpN49Du #AlexanderFairchild