Allie Bergeman

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Are your dogs normal or do they bark at random shit on TV like celery? #lmk

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

🙃🙃🙃

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Talking about blind date horror stories with my grandpa...

Me: Bops one time my moms BFF went on a date and the dude was wearing a CHOKER and all kinds of jewels, bracelets and rings

Bops: well he was just dressing up for her

🤣#slaysme

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

#tbt to when the neighborhood bully used to steal Smirnoff Ice’s from my mom’s garage #aaronwasnaughty

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

@coldplay really predicted the corona feelz

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Last night I sent the most embarrassing text by accident and by that I mean this. I sent this ⬇️

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Can someoneee PLEASE tell @Apple we’re in quarantine cuz if my watch tells me “time to stand” one more time I’ll flush it #😤

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

If anyone nominates me for that push-up challenge going around I’m screwed 😅

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

In my next life I would like chicken fingers & fries, bagels, and alcohol to make me skinny #prayers #blessme

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Sisters amirite @AbbyBergeman

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Literally nothinggg worse then when somebody rips one at the gym.. I’m struggling to breathe as is

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

@kjs01414 She’s dying 😂

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

“I just don’t like her and when I don’t like someone it’s very hard for me to like them”

~A poem by my college roommate Erica~

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Conversation between father and infant at table behind us: “ketchup is NOT food”

Sounds a lot like a convo I’ve had with abby!

@AbbyBergeman

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

“I can’t even explain to you how much I love TV... right up there with air conditioning.. and chips!” @molly_earle

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

I wonder how many rando insta posts I like when I’m half asleep on my phone. I’m probs over here racking up likes for the sponsored posts 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Abby: “good god if I get one more follow request on instagram”

Me: “who?”

Abby: “it’s like all these food restaurants”

#hahahahahah

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

Shout out to the drunk girls at concerts who swoop in and tell you you’re pretty when you need it the most

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

My mom talking to my dogs after she feeds them: “I gave you some cannabis!”

[Allie Bergeman @AllieBergeman]

People who are productive on sundays scare me...