Alli Meyle

Comedian. Actor. Writer. Beauty Enthusiast. Human.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Hey 👋🏻 what's up hello

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

If you can't handle me at my diddliest, you don't deserve me at my doodliest. 🙌🏻

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

If we were actually making the USA "great again", we wouldn't need USB.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Swiping on Tinder with my distance set to one mile while I wait for my train at the Metro station and low-key hoping some dude sees me swipe left on him.

That's showbiz, baby!

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

I discharged from residential eating disorder treatment yesterday and I feel better than I ever have. I'm way too cool to spend my life arguing with a granola bar.

Bye bye anorexia. Hello to the rest of my life. 🫶🏻

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Why are Conservative women trying to give their opinions? If I wanted to know what you thought, I'd ask your husband or your pastor.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

We know that not all men are dangerous. The problem is that we don't know which men.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Is a Supreme Leader just a regular leader with sour cream and tomatoes?

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Day two of turning other people's social media posts into things.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Imagine hating me and I'm just at home making throw pillows out of your Facebook posts.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Something is off but I can't figure it out.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

What if the dinosaurs didn't go extinct from an asteroid and it was actually a spaceship and it was humans and we're aliens?

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

@FlynnUnbound Bold of you to assume that we're not also doing this.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

He's my best friend. He's my pal. He's my homeboy, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boy.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Imagine being a white man in the US, where the system is rigged for you, and you're still a fucking loser.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Gonna go dance with the devil in the moonlight. I hope he likes Kesha.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

Sometimes people call me Lil Salad cause I be dressin'.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

The love of my life ♥️

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

I just want to be the reason someone won't name their child Allison.

[Alli Meyle @AlliMeyle]

If I was confined to a wheelchair and taken to see the Melania movie, I would find a way to walk out.