Unlicensed Pilot

Femme lez that will undertake home improvements on your dwelling in attempts to satisfy her insatiable hunger for applied ingenuity 🔧🛁🛠️🚪🔨
she/her

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

"Sometimes you try your hardest and still lose."
I say to myself sobbimg in a taco bell parking lot because they closed earlier than Google maps said.

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

actually my biggest fear about the apocalypse is probably just losing my glasses

[queer lit bot ✒️ @queerlitbot]

When you find her, she will be dressed like any other person. But to you, her skin will glow in stripes of white and black. You will see her broom, and you will hear her witch-cry, and you will feel the effects of her spells on you.

Chinelo Okparanta, Under the Udala Trees

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

New law: when opening a can of tuna, you must drain the tuna water onto a plate for the cats

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

Me on a bad word-recollection day

[Mom Jeans @momjeansplease]

Getting ready to donate some clothes but first I need to drive around with them in my trunk for a year

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

Blood runs thicker
Than a notary seal

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

How do you type it? Please. It's important.

[emma lord @dilemmalord]

i'm already so annoyed that my grandkids are going to be interviewing me for book reports on the 2020 pandemic expecting me to be profound and i'm gonna have to be like "i spent all the whole thing sending friends tiktok links against their will and eating cake and crying"

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

😂 😂 😂 I can't stop watching it

https://t.co/dNYpYCA34h

[kayla @baz00per]

pet rent is the stupidest concept i’ve ever heard of how do you expect my cat to pay $50 a month she is unemployed

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

@raichelrai Yes.

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

When your doctor asks about your medical history.
#TikTok https://t.co/fvAtmajosk

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

@MissDollyLevi Location?

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

#denverprotests
12th and Grant!

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

#denverprotests
FYI - Parked outside my house 12th/Grant

[not rupi 😿 @notrupi]

my love language
is
sending tiktoks
and
referencing them later

[Unlicensed Pilot @AllisonPilot]

https://t.co/bYjeD6rLYv

[not rupi 😿 @notrupi]

i would
die

without your
little paws

and tiny
sandpaper kisses