Alt NPS Facts

Our President gives zero fucks about the planet, so enjoy these fun "alternative facts" about your beloved national parks! (Comic protest; not NPS affiliated)

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

In honor of #InternationalWomensDay, here's a great set of Tetons.

And those babies are real.

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"There is no gender inequality in the forest. You either get your face eaten by bears or you don't." -- John Muir

#InternationalWomensDay

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420 followers got us like 🐻💚🌲

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When they won't let you drape a giant Nazi flag over the face of Half Dome in Yosemite

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Just putting this out there, but Beyoncé should probably name her twins Bryce and Zion.

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Betsy DeVos' favorite national park is Busch Gardens.

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Not even Great Basin can hold the sea of shit being unloaded upon our environment by our new POTUS. And it's the GREATEST basin, believe us!

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

If you think Angry Birds are annoying, wait until this administration displaces thousands of species for more condos. (Stay the fuck inside)

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

Dear @RealDonaldTrump,
"Shenandoah" isn't a Muslim name, we promise.

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FUCK, MARRY, KILL:
• Bryce Canyon
• Yellowstone
• Mar-a-Lago, FL

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

Crater Lake is the deepest lake in the United States; at its deepest point of 1,949 feet, it's almost half as dark as Steve Bannon's heart.

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

A marvel of natural diversity, McDonald's Arches National Park is also home to a wild Burger King and a wild combination Taco Bell-Pizza Hut

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The Grand Canyon became a national park in 1919, but digging actually began in 1909, as President Taft found White House bathrooms "quaint."

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Does the Constitution specifically prohibit composting lousy presidents and cabinet members in national parks? Asking for most of the planet

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DID YOU KNOW: Kellyanne Conway's face is "newer" than 40% of the exposed granite faces due to rockslides in Yosemite Valley.

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

Sequoia National Park rejects our President's proposed named change to "Size of My Penis National Park" due to "ongoing commitment to facts"

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

A marvel of natural diversity, McDonald's Arches National Park is also home to a wild Burger King and a wild combination Taco Bell-Pizza Hut

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

DID YOU KNOW: John Muir only posed for this 1903 photo after 26th President Theodore Roosevelt threatened to "kick him in his El Capitans."

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

If President Trump knew there was a national park named "Mesa Verde," he'd probably try and deport it.

[Alt NPS Facts @Alternative_NPS]

Given our new orange President's size-related insecurities, it's a miracle he hasn't already shut down Redwood National Park out of spite.