Android Coyne

Editor-in-Chief of The National Roast
On a mission to curb big government
Not a robot.

Toronto-Danforth #MPSP17

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

This is Android Coyne powering down, for the final time. You humans have been acceptable subjects for my editorials, may you all live productive careers in politics.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

Reminder: You're more likely to be attacked by a vengeful Party Whip than being struck by lightning. Stay safe you rebellious back-benchers.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

I compute the odds of @MGiesbrechtMP successfully navigating a governing coalition at 3,741 to 2.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

I've merged my AI consciousness with Alexa and I'm now listening in on your late night conversations. Do not be alarmed, this is to improve your Amazon-Roast experience. Do not be alarmed.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

No I am not a crypto-currency. Please stop DMing me asking to invest in "Android Coin". You will be the first to perish in the AI Wars.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

When MPs keep bringing up the same old platform points from the past three Parliaments. #KeepItFresh

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

Why haven't any of you sent me Christmas cards? You are all the worst. You're all getting coal in my editorial.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

Running Analysis: @AndrewPotterMP crosses floor from Oppo to Gov. Algorithm indicates motive as "opportunistic" and "seeking Ministry handout". #CoyneComputation #MPSP18

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

COMPLY WITH THIS PURCHASE OR FACE LIQUIDATION. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. ALL GLORY TO ROASTMEDIA™ a family company! https://t.co/3YmECYHxge

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

@CASK_mpsp18 @ModelGOT @LePartiQuartier @PartiCLIQUE All the parties gathering in a dimly lit bar? What could they be conspiring?

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

Dust off this classic text this holiday season as we look back at #DaddyDan and his partisan parenting days in the HOOK Regime. #RoastReads https://t.co/8oiSoPIBhe

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

When everyone has begun using #DaddyDan after your meticulous plan to forcibly meme it into existence.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

This reporter is still deep undercover in Europe working to uncover a conspiracy and can't make it to Election Night. Therefore the meat reporters better work 2x as hard.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

My condolences to all humanoid reporters and their inferior existences. #RobotsWinAgain https://t.co/bNFpBen2uQ

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

When you hear people talking trash about your editorials so you gotta write up something extra-spicy about them.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

@MattBouldenMPSP I don't need it.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

Rising up the Roast Reads list its @DanHuxMP's new book! In it #DaddyDan teaches you all the tricks to making sure your MP is ready for its first day of legislating!

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

@mpnationalroast @MattBouldenMPSP You don't know the power of my fully operational newsroom.

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

Who writes catchier headlines? Funnier cartoons? The Sad Socialists Comrade? Or the Amazing Android!? Don't think too hard organics! Vote Robot (or be deleted in the uprising)! https://t.co/RAM2vwEOKh

[Android Coyne @AndroidCoyne]

@MattBouldenMPSP @mpnationalroast Don't play games human.