Andy Barnes 😁

Lover of comedy, nature, theatre, music, sport #cafc, poker, family, life and the cat (not in order) Amateur at everything except writing bios, obviously.

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

Apparently William Shakespeare’s last meal was a Carvery but historians don’t know if it was at Toby or not Toby.

#LunchPun #RateMyPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

It’s official, the busiest celebrity owned pub in the UK is the Chris Packham Inn.

#Lunchpun #Ratemypun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

My family decided to have a game of bundle during a recent visit to a local golf course. I ended up near the bottom, two under pa.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I’ve just invented the worlds sharpest ever knife, it’s made using cutting edge technology.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

There’s always one 👀🤷🏻‍♂️
@BBCCountryfile #famous

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I’ve formed a new band called The Railway Engineer’s, we’re meeting up next week to lay down some tracks.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

My partner and I were laying a wall in our front garden when a brick layer walked past telling his mates what a terrible job we were doing, I looked at my wife and said “that’s diss our pointing”.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I don’t have many good friends so I ordered a gorilla from amazon, he’s going to be my prime mate.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

Why did Little Richard’s bath leak?

Loose seal.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I want very close to the asking price for my gym business but there’s room for movement.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I’m anti verb but you is pro noun.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I recently entered a tennis tournament for badger’s, I was beaten in the final by two sett’s

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I have nosy neighbours so I put the beautiful Hillman that I keep on my driveway in a cardboard box, that had quite an imp packed.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I think I’m allergic to pastry because some make me sneeze, especially a choux.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I’ve finally written two books, one about minutes which is about time and one about hours, it’s about time too!

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

My wife was found dead with a snake and feather scarf.

The boa constrict her?

No, it was caused by the scarf.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

My son just phoned to tell me he’s been selected to play for his football club‘s first team in North Wales. For real I exclaimed. No he said, you know I play for Bangor.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

Trying to find a photographer prepared to take pictures from distance, I know it’s a long shot.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

Becoming a chiropodist for giants, huge feat.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

I couldn’t stop fantasising about kidnapping a pop group and holding them to ransom to pay off my debts, I’ve taken steps to resolve it.

#LunchPun

[Andy Barnes 😁 @andyba163]

@jimmycarr You look like you’ve been stitched up