Andrew Carter

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

Going through a break up is so fucking lonely as an adult.

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

@imsamhiwhatsup @GoldGloveTV It was the answer in both Australia and Canada though. Also how do you know people will still get guns no matter the reform. The US hasn't even tried. Rights are all good but, like any human being, if you aren't responsible enough those rights need to be looked at.

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

Holy fucking shit Pickford!!!!!!

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

@IostincaroIina "I fought for your freedom to do this shit" he says, while fighting them for doing this shit......

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

You ever just wake up and miss hugging people?

[aishwarya @ash_americash]

When you have found the pug just retweet ok

[AWSTEN KNIGHT @awsten]

@codyko HAVEN’T LEFT MY BED IN THREE DAYS BC WONDERING IF STUART LITTLE IS ABOVE THE LAW. PROBABLY DIDN’T HAVE A DRIVERS LICENSE. DOUBT HE PAYS TAXES, HE IS A SIMPLE MOUSE. WRISTS ARE TOO SMALL FOR HANDCUFFS. WHERE ARE HIS LIMITS??????

[Tom DeLonge @tomdelonge]

Where are uuuuuuuuuuu https://t.co/b7xNcFsxH5

[Dallon Weekes @DallonWeekes]

Everyone always credits Marvel with inventing the ‘post credits scene’, buuuut...

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

If you turn your trolley sideways across an aisle today, you should be immediately ejected from the supermarket

[Joe Bereta @joebereta]

How to Make the PERFECT TWEET in six easy steps.

1. Perch.
2. Inhale.
3. Exhale through your syrinx.
4. Vigorously vibrate the membrana tympaniformis and the pessulus.
5. Modify surrounding muscles to create desired membrane tension.
6. Project.

[Joe Bereta @joebereta]

Elephants have prehensile penises, which means they can grab things...

like my attention.

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

When Dwayne Johnson needs to pee do you think he tells people he's going to drain The Rocks Johnson?

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

I just bought the Digimon movie on Amazon because like Digimon, I'm a CHAMPION!

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

I pretty much instantly regret tweeting that, but someone has to ask the big questions!

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

Why do dogs have breeds but people have races? Just thinking of all the white bread/ white breed puns we're missing out on is painful!

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

Also can these fireworks chill out, they're ruining my Harry Potter immersion!

[Andrew Carter @Andyctr]

Yo! Neville Longbottom is cool as shit.. Oh and Happy New Year!