Andrew Kirk

[Ghost Mugs Halas 🐻⬇️ @Nickdabearfan]

You scroll thousands of videos to find a gem like this that instantly gets inducted to your hall of fame

[tv dinner guy (TVDG) @ITweetDinners]

If universal is hiring hot latinas to act like they’re obsessed with me I will deadass be there every single fucking night

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

Just saw The Odyssey, I loved it but was really surprised it featured so many Minions. Not saying it’s bad or inaccurate. I’m aware of its oral history, so there’s no way to know Homer didn’t include Minions. But it was like 98% Minions. Didn’t even mention Odysseus.

[brandon* @brndxix]

my seat is gonna be soaked 30 seconds in

[A-100 gecs @PinstripeBungle]

pointed at a bug and my cat ate the bug

[Chelly @chellgod]

Gameday.

[chuck bass’s cousin @pedri69420]

Good morning

[redrum @griffisu]

apple watch app that detects when your heart stops and auto uploads a photo of half your face half xxxtentacion to all your socials

[krank @Kr4nkk]

Big leagues callin

[tayler (😬) @billdifferen]

every time I go to deep ellum I gotta stop by The Spot and pay my respects

[Hunter Biden @HunterBiden]

Things most Americans agree on:

Groceries cost too much.

Tariffs suck and make no sense.

Congress and Presidents shouldn’t trade stocks.

The debt is a mess.

The border should be secure, but legal immigration is good.

Endless wars are stupid, especially ones that nobody wants and have never been explained.

Americans are exhausted.

AI is like my new best friend that also might be trying to take my job, my ability to think for myself, and my humanity in the process. Yo like I love you, but WTF, but I still love you.

Diversity is actually awesome! The opposite is boring AF.

Canadians are super fucking cool.

Mexicans are chill.

Putin isn’t a good guy looking out for America’s best interest. Rocky IV and Miracle are great movies.

Good neighbors are a blessing.

Freedom of religion and coexistence without having to blow each other up is probably a good idea.

We all question, are we alone in the universe?

We all fuck up along the way.

Epstein didn’t hang himself.

The Trumps and Epstein were best friends for decades. It’s like Bert trying to tell us Ernie was just an acquaintance in the same social scene on Sesame Street back in the day.

The Cowboys suck. Go Birds!

Things we’re told to fight about:

Me.
Laptop.
Vaccines.
Transgenders in sports.
Pronouns.

That’s the joke.

[huncho @ohcnuh_]

@ChicagoBears Im going to light myself on fire in front of soldier field

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

The #Madden27 Cover:

[blanc @dqveed]

imagine you donate blood and they just give you a gram

[alexander the pretty good @vaudevillehook]

Is rack city walkable

[dre 🇵🇸 @altoidsrevenge]

the sketch comedy to horror visionary pipeline is alive n well #SheZachinOnMyCreggerTillMyCurryBark

[Young Thug ひ @youngthug]

Boy slow down dropping all that BS music...😭😂✌🏾️

[Round Child in "I PAUSED MY GAME TO BE HERE" Shirt @bobo_circus]

It's so funny to be like "alright guys no more Zoloft" while you're pumping gas to $300/gallon and there's 7 jobs left

[Specter📼 @SpecterM91]

Adam Scott was running around dressed like a PS2 survivor horror character carrying a big cartoon lantern and solving puzzles to get key items and shit, highly recommend

[patrick. @imPatrickT]

me and the boys before THE ODYSSEY