C | has to lock in | 🍉

21 & autistic ♤ an ♤ edtwt ♤ not inactive just anxious

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

I am fat and deserve to be publicly shamed. Unpinning at bmi 20

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

I just have to be skinny
When i achieve twink physique again hell like me
I can be his type i can be what he wants, please

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

If this is what finally triggers a proper relapse im gonna laugh so hard coause how pathetic is it possible to be

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Doesnt matter if he doesnt like me rn, im not what he finds attractive now and never will be. Im gonna get skinnier and im gonna find someone who likes me like that

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Genuinely only thing that makes me sad that im losing as that im also losing muscle mass, so i cant (play)fight my friends as well :(

[meru ⚢ @plaks4ngel]

my suicide is inevitable

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Def dont have bottom dysphoria…. Im just finding out if theres anywhere i could get bottom surgery for research purposes

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

I go back and forth on wanting to try dating apps, but unfortunately my brain has convinced me that it will go horribly wrong if i try,, so ig im stuck

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

I just wanna be wanted, be desired

Idc if they want me for me or for my body, i just want to be wanted

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

I wish we could be something

Sure being friends is great but i wanna be something else

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Ugly and unlovable and i need to kill myself immediately

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

He told me I weighed nothing, so naturally i need to get skinnier

I want him to notice and to worry and i feel like the world’s worst person for it

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Yup im unlovable and will never find my person

Were still friends tho, i just cant read people, but everyone already knew that

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Having difficult convo and the outcome is pretty unclear, starving this week is gonna be so easy, im gonna feel nauseous all the fucking time

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Ended up weighing myself nd i lost almost 1kg since tuesday, so happy im (mostly) out of this overeating cycle!!

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Working out tomorrow nd kinda wanna weigh myself…

Usually do it once a week currently, but were getting closer to the ball sooo….

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Im so fucking ugly and awful and i cant believe he asked me out. What on earth could he see in me?

No way its romantic it has to be platonic theres no way he actually likes me

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Bringing my scale back after the break. Still regret not bringing it at start of year, cause gym scale is in the gym and i dont wanna weigh myself somewhere there could be people

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Never assuming someone likes me unless they explicitly state it

Apparently whatever we have been doing for the last like FIVE MONTHS wasnt flirting

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

I need a hug
I want(?) a hug
But they send me into fight or flight so i guess ill just die instead

[C | has to lock in | 🍉 @AngularAndUgly]

Also weighing myself tomorrw, dont really remember last time i did it, but ik i was waaaaaayyy too heavy