ApartmentX

A collective of unknown comedians

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

my toxic trait is refusing to like someone's photo if their partner is in it, unless i like them both

[orange ghoulius 🎃 @_atariatlas]

i hope general mills will recognize that their new(?) slogan, "crunch•a•tize me cap'n" is something i will absolutely be saying in bed

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

I don't usually "Ok Boomer" but when I do it's because a Boomer needs to Ok the fuck up.

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

santa packs are coming🎶
santa packs are coming🎶
*increasingly ominous*
SANTA PACKS ARE COMING🎶
ＳＡＮＴＡ ＰＡＣＫＳ ＡＲＥ ＣＯＭＩＮＧ🎶

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

live, laugh, AND love? in this economy?

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

how come everyone calls it mayo but you never hear nnaise?

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

Celebrating Gaybruary by licking all the iced creams outta these sammiches

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

i poop two poops in the morning
i poop two poops at night

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

excited for my DNA test to arrive today so i can learn that i am part *reads results sheet*...breakfast burrito

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

This could be us, but you play'n.

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

@greezuscroat @_atariatlas gonna need you to dial it back about 20% there Squirley Dan.

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

@_atariatlas wait what now?

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

does the carefree menstrual hygiene product company also manufacture carefree chewing gum? :(

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

congress finally decides on the stimulus they are willing to provide american families

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

I'm a cat person... or at least the Toxoplasmosis tells me I am.

[ApartmentX @Apt_X_Comedy]

Find you a person who can't stand you for who you are.

[Out of Ordinary @aridiculouslife]

I don't need to know your child's gender to give them a $5 gift card for Applebee's.
Please stop lighting California on fire for it.