Riva Aly ☄️

INTP | Trapped in a human body |

Notes to myself 🩵✨

[Riva Aly ☄️ @AREBELALI]

but as years went by the conflict lessened and finally my will and wish became identical. They are so today, and in this lies the secret of whatever success I have achieved.”

— Nikola Tesla

[Riva Aly ☄️ @AREBELALI]

“The possibilities of will-power and self-control appealed tremendously to my vivid imagination, and I began to discipline myself... At first it called for a vigorous mental effort directed against disposition and desire,

[Blond @BlondB00]

if you really want to help people, become who you are. seriously. don’t dilute. moving in the world being a shining representation of what inner freedom looks like will likely initiate a deep chemical reaction in all who see you and are themselves looking to become free. you might be what drives them over the edge. the sighting of inner freedom is altruism in its truest form. provide it.

[Riva Aly ☄️ @AREBELALI]

Are feelings ever certain

[Blond @BlondB00]

the highest form of worship is to pour your entire consciousness without leakage into whatever activity you happen to be doing. your problem is that when you’re intense, you’re not intense enough. when you’re mellow, you’re not mellow enough. even watching a movie you perform badly, pausing it every three minutes to check your phone. you’re distant from God brother it’s about time you killed distraction.

[Ilya Sukhar @ilyasu]

Nobody knows anything, but some people are making decisions 10,000x faster than others and ruling the world as a result

[Xans | Hypnotist + High Performance Hypnosis @xansnds]

A big reason why I’m able to change people is because I have a 6th sense for when people are being vulnerable and a savant ability to get them vulnerable *if they are willing*

It’s a phenomenon I still struggle to find the words for, but I can just feel if someone is genuinely being vulnerable or if it’s an act, a defense, or another way of hiding.

Vulnerability at its core is your willingness to put yourself in a position to be hurt or healed.

It's the act of sharing your soul and raw feelings with another person.

And if you are not willing to open the original wound, share your hurt/pain and risk being hurt again, then you are also not willing to heal the wound.

First, you have to expose and accept the wound for what it is. Admit your pain and embrace its existence.

Only after that can you heal it.

But someone who is unwilling to accept that the wound is there in the first place, or is in denial, will never get the healing they need because they refuse to acknowledge the hurt.

You must risk feeling humiliated, ashamed, being made fun of, and otherwise hurt by the other person if you want to heal.

I remember seeing this most vividly with my ex.

The mere assertion that she was wounded or traumatized would trigger a deep subconscious defense mechanism that prevented her from getting the help or connection she needed from me.

Sometimes those defenses would turn into offenses, meaning attacks, because she would feel deeply threatened by being vulnerable at her core.

A lot of these behaviors come from trauma, and people with trauma generally either internalize it, externalize it, or move back and forth between both.

If you are the type that internalizes it, you can essentially become a perpetual victim.

Everything is happening to you. Everything is your fault. You are the problem. You are worthless. You deserve what is happening.

If you are the type that externalizes it, you can become the abuser, the narcissistic type, the person with BPD traits, or whatever other label people want to use.

But with both types, everything becomes someone else’s fault.

You attack, blame, punish, manipulate, project, or create a reality where someone else is responsible for what you are feeling.

Anything but admitting the cause lies with you.

I say “disorders” with a heavy dose of nuance because I do not believe that is who these people are at their core.

They simply exhibit a collection of symptoms and behaviors typically associated with a disorder.

That does not mean the disorder or label is their identity.

And it does not mean they can't change.

These types of people can make massive progress and heal many of these symptoms by learning how to establish a healthy relationship with vulnerability, connection, and getting their needs met.

Take a narcissistic person, for example:

The narcissistic person is existentially afraid of being seen as anything other than the mask they created.

That mask could be amazing, sexy, charismatic, smart, successful, powerful, whatever.

So anything that threatens that mask immediately gets attacked.

Anyone who does not play along with their reality gets attacked, punished, blamed, or has the tables turned on them for refusing to participate in it.

And that does not mean there is zero merit to what they are saying about themselves.

They could actually be amazing.
They could actually be charismatic.
They could actually be sexy.
They could actually be smart.

The problem is that in their head, that is all they are.

And anything that proves otherwise is rejected from their reality.

Their entire identity becomes wrapped around maintaining that perception.

So anything that challenges it feels like they are losing themselves.

It can feel like a spiritual attack, an existential attack, or like someone is trying to destroy who they are.

It’s the same type of thing with a BPD-type person who fluctuates between states of deep internalization and then externalization.

One moment it’s:

“I’m worthless.”

Then it becomes:

“You’re horrible.”
“I need you.”

Then:

“Get away from me.”
“You’re the only person who understands me.”

Then:

“You never cared about me.”

For all these types of wounds and symptoms, it’s honestly quite a sad story because the very thing they need to heal, which is vulnerability and connection, is the exact thing they push away and attack when it gets too close.

"Please come close"

To:

"GO AWAY!"

So they end up getting caught in this endless loop of almost connection, pushing and pulling, valuation and devaluation, getting close and then creating distance.

And every time it happens, the wound cuts deeper.

Just more information that the world is out to get you, that everyone will abandon you when you need it, that no one can meet your needs but yourself, but even then you can't or "aren't good enough," so with another brush stroke they add to their painstakingly crafted mask they present to the world.

All while desperately wanting to be seen and held.

They push away anyone who gets close to the core of who they are or actually sees them.

Then they end up feeling abandoned without realizing that their own behavior helped create the outcome they were terrified of in the first place.

It’s not always that the other person wanted to leave.

Sometimes they simply gave them no other option because of how toxic and destructive their behavior became.

And I think this is one of the biggest paradoxes of all of it.

Can you actually feel loved for who you are if you never showed the other person who you are in the first place?

No.

If someone falls in love with the mask, then the mask is what feels loved.

Not you.

So it feels like an empty love inside that then swings to "You don't love me enough," which means "I don't feel loved enough," because they won't let anyone love them for who they are since they hide who they are deep down.

You can't love someone who doesn't let you love them and loves themselves enough to be vulnerable.

That is, unless you only love the mask because the mask is safe.

And if that person eventually leaves, you experience it as abandonment even though you never fully allowed yourself to be known in the first place.

You can only "abandon" the version of someone they allowed you to see, which is their toxic, destructive behavior and their charming mask. But not their real core.

You can't abandon someone who's abandoned themselves.

Until they are willing to drop the mask, acknowledge the wound, and learn how to be vulnerable, they are going to have an extremely difficult time healing or having the relationships and the intimacy/closeness they need and desire.

So if you encounter one of these people in the wild, do not take everything they are doing personally.

A lot of the time, they are not even fully aware of what is going on with themselves.

They are desperate for connection while simultaneously being terrified of the vulnerability required to actually connect.

And until they change their relationship with vulnerability, they are going to keep recreating the same pattern with different people over and over again.

BUT do not abandon yourself and your own wants/needs/desires/boundaries trying to meet their needs.

Put yourself first.

They are not capable of healthy boundaries when it comes to love until they learn to be vulnerable.

They are not capable of loving another person until they love themselves.

Because to love yourself means to heal yourself and your deepest wounds.

But you do not need to do that alone.

All it takes is a little vulnerability...

[rayane 𓃮 @EsotericaHQ]

People will always mirror back what you BELIEVE about yourself, and most of the time they’ll do it unconsciously. They sense it on sales calls. Your team senses it. Investors sense it. Clients sense it.

People pick up on your certainty, hesitation, self-trust, and doubt before you ever explicitly communicate any of it. People mirror back what’s already WITHIN you.

Which is exactly why some people instantly seem trustworthy, competent, and certain while others don’t. Your internal perception of yourself leaks into every interaction you have.

[Marianne @thrialectics]

I'm telling you — now, as much as ever, you must write by hand every morning. You must write three pages on whatever is currently on your mind. You must preserve and strengthen your thinking through your writing.

[Zarak @zzarakkk]

Thinking that you can wake up late and still be as effective is a psy-op that’s designed to keep you less successful than you could be. Most successful people are still waking up before the sun. There's something about waking up early that seems wiser, and more noble. Waking up and working late leaves the opposite impression - that you’re disorganized and lazy. Ben Franklin said 300 years ago: "early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." And if you don't believe me, just take one look at the most effective people you personally know of. One thing they probably all have in common is a good sleep schedule. I see this in my employees specifically. The best ones are up early. This is such a failure-proof indicator of someones effectiveness that I literally fired an employee of mine after we did a team retreat; he consistently woke up later than everyone else in the villa.

[James Clear @JamesClear]

Opportunities shrink or expand in proportion to your enthusiasm.

[ً @artfuIchaos]

i'm in love with this quote:

"if you're persistent, you'll get it. if you're consistent, you'll keep it. and if you're grateful, you'll attract more of it."

[Riva Aly ☄️ @AREBELALI]

“Give me a few days of peace in your arms, I need it terribly. I'm ragged, worn, exhausted. After that I can face the world.”

— Henry Miller

[Hassan. @Heyitshassan]

there's a weird kind of grief that comes with late august and i cant explain it

[✒️ @Literariium]

- Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I’m Home

[✒️ @Literariium]

— Fyodor Dostoevsky

[✒️ @Literariium]

Somewhere beyond right and wrong

[ً @artfuIchaos]

training my nervous system to choose an unfamiliar heaven instead of a familiar hell.

[E-go @EgoDriv]

Too whom much given, much is tested. The tougher shit goes, the further your gratitude should go. Be thankful you get to deal with such big problems. Others are barely fighting survival. At different levels. Some lower than you could even imagine. Grateful for what you have, hungry for more. Keep hunting but never forget you’re in a great position. Zero excuses.

[Riva Aly ☄️ @AREBELALI]

Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows...