Nigel A.Hammond

Proud Dad to Obi and Lola. Co-host of @awfullybritish2. One third of Hertfordshire's most outstanding vocal Duo.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

#awfullybritishfakefacts
When Great Britain joined the EU the Wizard of Oz became known as the Wizard of 28grams.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

#PrinceAndrew finally off of the civil list and onto the Savile list

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@mrs_coyle Take it easy.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@HaggisAdele Good morning

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@Kiwi__trans Oh wow, you are breathtakingly beautiful x

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney I bet the guy who invented rock, paper, scissors wished he'd patented the game, he'd be making money hand over fist by now.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney Since my dad had his leg amputated he's taken up home brewing, he uses only the finest oats and hops.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney My mum always said the nest way to a man's heart is through his stomach, lovely woman but a shit cardiac surgeon.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney I had acupuncture to cure my fear of needles.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney My therapist says I'm paranoid, she didn't actually say it but I knew what he was thinking.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney A woman was admitted to hospital last night with a bottle of Vimto stuck in her vagina, not a second to soon she was already 10 cm diluted.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney I ordered a box of chicken wings and thassistant asked if I'd like sides. It wouldn't be much of a box without them.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney My nephew showed me his new rabbit and proudly said "Thumper" now all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney The ramblers association have hiked up their membership again this year.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney Eric drivers didn't go to the school of hard knocks.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney Last time I visited s farm I was bitten by a cow, nothing serious it just grazed me.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney They say everyone has a book in them, I've got two and they're both about a man who swallows inappropriate objects.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney I gave my wife a facial steamer for her birthday, apparently it wasn't what she wanted and I am a very sick individual.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney My wife says she's leaving me because I live in a fantasy world, the jokes on her, I'm not even married.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney The IKEA wolf is rare and only hunts in flat packs.

[Nigel A.Hammond @ArthurFooksake]

@GaryDelaney I'm converting my loft but that's another story.