Austin Scott Collins

Novelist and expert taker of naps. Occasional mome rath. He/Him.

[Austin Scott Collins @ASCwriter]

One does not so much "write" a novel.
More accurately, one "is possessed by" a novel.
#authorconfession
#amwriting
#ampossessed

[Laurie Kilmartin @anylaurie16]

Southwest flight attendants are like the Trader Joe’s cashiers of the sky.

[inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa]

I am not making any new year's resolutions. I will continue to remain idiotic and unhinged online

[trash jones @jzux]

i don’t need a recipe for disaster. i usually just eyeball it

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

me: australia is wider than the moon

friend: do you even think about things before you say them out loud or

[Heaux Pro Boner @alice_x_daniels]

when not running from my problems i can be found eating my feelings

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

My plans never work out but at least they're getting laid.

[inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa]

"The other day" -me talking about something that happened 27 years ago

[Buddawiggi @MarkBuckawicki]

If time isn’t real, neither is distance

[Shreya @Shreya_eti]

Illegally being whatever I am.
I pirated my existence online

[inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa]

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can't make weird noises in my cubicle

[Jez @Jez1]

I like to flirt and play hard to get by staying at home and having no contact with anyone

[fredesque @FredTaming]

your honor, my client wants to know why are we bringing up old shit

[geeky_goddess @creja34]

Maybe *plot twist* she doesn't need anyone.

[natalayhehoo @highprobably1]

My life can be summed up with “well, that didn’t turn out as expected.”

[JP @jpbrammer]

so sorry for my delay in getting back with you! I have been beset by calamities

[Helen Kingston @kingstonwrites]

Behind every great writer is a primary school English teacher who once gave their poem about Autumn a smiley face sticker

[Annie the Nanny @AnnietheNanny1]

Him: Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable.

Me: *waggles eyebrows and slips into a coma*

[inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa]

yeah I'm "ONLINE"
O nline
N ever not online
L ook, i said i'm online ok
I don't know what you want from me
N ot logging off
E ggs