The White Mitch Hedberg

NYC and DMV Comedian

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”

― George Carlin (died June 22, 2008)

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

They should invent managers at jobs that don’t just feel like we’re trying the Stanford prison experiment ourselves for fun

[Big 🐰 @FreddieGibbs]

@HidekiBlacksui So what nigga D’Fuck else u supposed to do on this shit.

[e l l a 🇨🇦 @blondehotcoffee]

if you make your therapist cry during the session they let you pick a toy from the prize box

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

Those Scientology speed runners would destroy the backrooms

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

Are people still doing the Scientology runs? I want updates

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

I bet that autistic dude that drew the nyc skyline from a helicopter would be rlly helpful in the backrooms

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

@phvntomist Never the ogre but that damn two monkey fight was me going nah

[brady @burgermanders]

Trae if you get us the 1st seed in the east you’re getting a metro line named after you

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

My million dollar idea is birthday/greeting cards that self destruct mission impossible style after a few days so you don’t have to feel guilty and keep them

[🐢✨America Is Musty✨🐢 @DragonflyJonez]

Yeah it’s a missed call, a flagrant 1 and all that. But every Wemby incident from the Naz elbow, to the Dort shove, to this has been Wemby letting opponents know if you try to play him too physically you might get hit with the Shaolin fists of fury and I honestly gotta respect it

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

@HunterBiden as a former crackhead do you think Ronald Reagan put crack in black neighborhoods

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

Shaq and Charles are great I love them for each other

[Handsome B. Charming @CTachio83984]

THIS FIRES ME UP , THIS MAKES ME FEEL FUCKING EXCITED !!!!

[Joe Howland 👻 @sXe_Joe]

I write lyrics with the viagra pen because this shit’s hard

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

One of my worst skills has got to be cutting bagels

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

Seasonal depression is weird bc wdym ur mental disorder has an off-season?? Rest of us out here putting work in year round lock in fr

[The White Mitch Hedberg @Asherzcomedy]

@nazzobetweeting No u left some of North Africa in there no European would do that