Smashlee

drunk tweets

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Hey people who "love cleaning" what drugs are you taking

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

TikTok has melted my brain and now I have SpongeBob songs chronically stuck in my head

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

@scottmuska They reign superior

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Nobody:
Absolutely no one:
My husband: Do you ever think about bumfights

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

“You look like a stuffed sausage” - my husband

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Parenting w a cool buzz

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Finding chicken nuggets your two year old stashed in your Louis Vuitton. Christ almighty.

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Guys I honestly thought krav maga was a local politican because of all the signage but it’s like Kung fu

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

“Did you hear the virus is being spread by farts” - my sister

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

THIS HOUSE IS A PRISON

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Have we tried control-alt-delete

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Will I come out of this with more or less social anxiety

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

It will be weird drinking only on the weekends after this

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Love being wine drunk

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

I wouldn’t dare cook a recipe without reading the backstory

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Eating all of my sons chicken nuggets in bed.

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

My husband literally cannot whisper.

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Excuse me but fuck everyone with an easy baby/toddler.

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Skipped dinner and having string cheese and Franzia Chardonnay. Practically a freshman again.

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Wrapping my presents with packaging tape because I ran out of scotch tape so basically I have already run out of fucks for this Christmas

[Smashlee @AshleeAnto]

Does anyone else scream in terror every time they open their Tupperware drawer