Ashlyn Buchi

a quick witted broad with big tits and terrible timing.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

That moment when you go to say his name and say John Cena instead.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

Nothing shows who won an argument in your relationship harder than a dog laying next to the owner they agree with at bed time. #facts

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

“The only time I wink at you is when I’m trying to get my contact back in”

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

@kota_mj Hahahah that’s so majestic and has the calming sensation of a good gut cleanse. Those aren’t remotely in same category.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

I feel like Swifties are equal to Disneyland adults and bird people.. there’s nothing wrong, or right about them.. but they aren’t ideal at a party.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

It’s so wild knowing you can be surrounded by so many people, and yet be so lonely at the same time.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

I just caught a mosquito out of the air on my way to get a drink of water, looked down at it in my fingers and whispered “bitch ass” mid squish.

It’s 4:00 am. Tell your friends.
I’m never gonna sleep on you sucking my blood bro.

Goodnight.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

My own boyfriend doesn’t follow my Twitter. This must be how T Swift feels every day in her life. #itsmehiimtheproblemitsme

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

You know you’ve reached your 30’s by how many times you shake your head in awe doing dishes saying “oh, wow!” Whilst using @ScrubDaddy #30sflirtiesthriving

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

@LastofUsPartII should have been called “ThefungusAmongus”

Let me know if you need any more mind blowing ideas. I’ll be here. 🫡

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

“Umm… I’m a 6 1/2. I don’t need to sell my farts in a jar”

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

I’m the type of confident that I can own any room I walk in, but if I started choking in public I would go into the bathroom to die. You know?

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

One of the 7 wonders of the world should be how anyone finds Drake attractive.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

Still the funniest thing on the internet.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

Give me a snickers and some self respect please.

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

I could be diagnosed.. but I don’t have insurance

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

Oh, so it’s okay for you to have a wedding, but when I want to have a party to show my appreciation for nachos nobody cares?

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

It’s probably best we didn’t.. cause what if we did..

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

Too bad crying doesn’t burn more calories

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

Excuse me… you’re daddy issues are showing

[Ashlyn Buchi @Ashlyn_buchi]

I would care about your opinion but my tequila is kicking in.