Amanda Turner

I bet you came for the sarcasm

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

I had to ask the man at the liquor store if they carried boxed wine and I was embarrassed but at the same time I need my fruity red sangria

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

This winter has been so unkind to my brain and I keep having to tell myself that when it gets warm again I won't assume everyone I've ever loved hates me and is actively conspiring against me.

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@kell0920 It's just Emeril's Cajun fried turkey recipe 😅.

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

My Haitian neighbor came over for Friendsgiving and told me my turkey made him change his mind about "white people thanksgiving" and I'll be riding that high for a while.

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@storyofthegoats I used to work for the student affairs office at the college I work for. Snoop came and I ended up being responsible for driving. He rolled a blunt on the ride and offered it to me. I was too nervous to smoke and drive the rented Escalade while working, so I said no 😤

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

Those who know me know that one time, Snoop did pass me the blunt, and I did turn him down, and this is the greatest regret of my life.

[Weed Porn @WeedPorns]

If Snoop passes you the blunt, you can’t turn him down

[jess @enchantedjess13]

watching satc for the first time

[Destry @DestryBrod]

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America.

Don't tell me that getting your PhD isn't worth it.

[tatyana ;) @tatbaee]

man of the house (firstborn daughter)

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@paytheslacker They give us nothing and take everything AND WE LET THEM

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@Skeeter206 Haha this is somehow comforting

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

If I could sum up a bachelorette weekend in your mid-30s briefly: At least two of us fell asleep at a strip club.

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@LilVixieFox It’s such a saga. I tried to make a joke with the tech and she wasn’t having it.

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

Nobody told me that the consequence of a health care professional taking me seriously would be pooping in a cup...

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@soundslike_age 🫡

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@DranceBoogie Thank you! Happy Birthday to you, too! Side bangs till the day I die 🥳

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

Recently went out with some friends to celebrate my birthday and some youth enthusiastically complimented my bangs as if they were a bold fashion choice and not the same haircut I've had for the past 17 years

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

@LilVixieFox Leeeegit. Thank you! And happy birthday to you toooo

[Amanda Turner @ATurner2188]

Did you know you can spread cold sores to your eyes?? Ask me how I know...