Dominic Storey

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Nice guys finish last, awesome guys finish on her face.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

'Lets watch a scary movie!' *3 hours later* 'Dude, walk me to the bathroom...'

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Yawning Is our body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Meatloaf will do anything for love, but he won't lose weight.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Everyone has experienced something that has changed them in a way that they could never go back to the person they once were.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

I hate when someone is attractive and also funny, like stop that you only get one.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

I hate it when I accidentally bite my tongue.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

lazy fact #7256452565156897; you were too lazy to read that number.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

With great power comes a great electric bill.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Did nothing today, still got paid.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

If I swallow magnets will I be attractive?

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

fi yuo cna read tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. rtewete fi yuo aer smrat.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

My mom thinks my friends are bad influences. But honestly, I'm usually the one coming up with the ideas.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

'What do we want?!!' 'PSYCHIC POWERS! NOW!' 'When do we want it?!!'

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

*home alone* Thoughts = Partyyyyy!!!! Reality = Peeing with door open.

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

#EverybodyHas that one friend who's laugh is funnier than the joke. Retweet if you do!

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

'You've changed' ... No actually i think the proper term is 'I've stopped trying to please your ass.'

[Dominic Storey @Ausfinium]

Nice tan, what's your race? Carrot?