Austin Vonderheid

Legally, I am only allowed to assist you

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

Feeling cute, might start a nuclear disaster at Chernobyl later

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

What if Marvel movies had a salary cap

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

.@delta give me my money back at once, I paid $10 for WiFi just to be able to watch half of a TikTok and read 1/3 of an email. Maybe also look into obtaining the rights for me to stream the Minecraft movie for free

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

more like secret cervix

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

.@HydroFlask gotta be better with the boots, bro

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

Holy shit did y’all see the eclipse

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

They just reached out and asked me to moderate

[Texas State University @txst]

We are honored to announce that #TXST, representing the @TXStateUnivSyst, will be the first location in TX to host a Presidential Debate in 2024. Thank you CPD @debates for the opportunity.

More details will be shared in the coming months. Learn more: https://t.co/9qdg89DqsE

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

https://t.co/408PAWCMRj

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Toddler sneaks through White House fence with ease. Secret Service found him on the lawn 🇺🇸😳

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

Not getting into details for personal reasons, but you need to fix this within the next 10 minutes or suffer ultimate wrath via a witches curse @netflix

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

Cthulhu Forever ❤️ 🙏 🦑

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

.@Costco I fr better never hear about you not having free samples in your stores again. Very off-brand of you to turn your back on your base like this but maybe I was expecting too much to begin with. Make this right or I will advise my large following to pivot to @SamsClub

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

.@dallascowboys i love you more than most things but don’t you dare embarrass me next Sunday I’m serious

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

.@US_FDA who can I talk to about sticker regulation

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

.@GoldsGym I’m not happy at all. I will not forgive or forget this transgression. Soon you’ll know the wrath of a trillion lions. Your crops will grow dry and the people you pretend to support will rise up in revolution. Sleep well tonight, it will be the last peace you ever know

[eric curtin @dubstep4dads]

why is literally no one talking about this???

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

There was never an iPhone 9 and y’all are acting like you don’t even care. Wake up.

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

It was always Mavs in 6

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

@LeanCuisine Leanardo Cuisine, I promise you that you don’t want to do this. Now the whole world can see your intimidation tactics. @HealthyChoiceID tell ‘em what’s good

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

@LeanCuisine Your Orange Chicken is absolute garbage. I wouldn’t even feed this to my dog bc that would be a #PETA violation and i would lose her trust forever. It’s 2022, do better.

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

Maybe the federal government should stay out of my damn Daylight Savings Account

[Austin Vonderheid @AustinVondy]

CDC just said you’re allowed to commit 1 crime if it’s your birthday