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Being too shy to interact with other people 😮‍💨 | student | ugly & sad existence | he/him | @FCBayern

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Trying to hide my depression. 😀

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Only people who have experienced depression should be allowed to pass judgment on people with depression.

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@Lyracutevibes Monaco

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The worst question someone could ask me is: 'How are you'.

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In the end i know no one is reading my boring ass tweets, because im such a worthless piece of Shit. No one cares about me, so why should strangers in the Internet care about me.

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Im scared to do anything. Im scared to be judged or im scared that i cant share my experiences with anyone. I want to try and do so much, but im not brave enough. Sharing my thoughts and feelings on X is a big hurdle i already conquered.

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I know right now i have reached rock-bottom, it cant get worse from now on, but i dont think its going to be better.

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Im not feeling proud for the achievements i achieved. Nothing that i do makes me proud. Because i know deep down i didnt do my best.

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How can i open myself to anyone, when i cant accept myself for the person i am. Trying to build a perfect facade just to look into a mirror and be disappointed by myself.

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Not going to therapy because im scared to be judged.

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My self-esteem is so fricked up. Im scared to leave my room, Im scared to interact, im scared to meet with relatives, just because i dont wanna be a nuisance and i know that im not welcome whereever i go.

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I never cried as much in my life than in the last two months.

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I think no therapist can help me. How can i open up to a therapist when i cant to with people that are already close to me. Its already hard enough to share my feeling / emotions anonymously on X, on which nobody cares or gives a fuck. I would feel ashamed.

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I think without social media i would be dead. I would feel more lonely i wouldnt be able to sleep. All those parascocial relationships are helping me to feel seen. Even the people that insult me or whatever give me a feeling of being seen and not just a empty hull living

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The only thing I crave at the moment is love of any kind... from the family, from another human being. I don't care i just dont want feel so lonely

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The mirror is my biggest enemy - I cant look at myself.

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Someday I wake up and i have made a decision how i wanna comtinue or end my life.

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Why cant i be a good looking person with a good character. Why do i have to like like a monster straight from a Horror Story. Stranger look at me in despise. I cant look into a mirror without wanting to punch right into my face. I cant listen to my own voice without feeling ill

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Nothing brings me joy. Every game i play is boring, every film i watch is boring, talking with my friends is scaring me, because i dont want to be a nuance.
I dont know what to do. Everyday I just try to waste time as much as possible, so i can start a new day of wasting time.

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Social Media is the only way to cope with my loneliness. Even tho i dont communicate with anyone, besides those Tweets that no one cares about, the parasocial relationships i build with persons that dont even know me are reducing my suffering.

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Social Media is like poison which slowly injects into your brain. It elevates your emotions to a new high, the bad and the good ones. But without Social Media i would feel more alone than im already am.