TheBabylonBull

Parody Account. Merch at Financial news that's only slightly more made up than the real thing. 🐂📈

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

The Babylon Bull Shop is officially open. 🐂

There are hoodies, tees, gym gear, stickers and desk mats for people who buy high, sell low and look great doing it. The new Bitcoin: The Mother Chain hoodie is in there too.

Shop now at https://t.co/2XshuJ7EKD.

Your portfolio may be red, but your fit doesn't have to be. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru Jensen Huang supports California's billionaire tax. Sacramento is already pricing the bill in leather jackets. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru Robinhood is bringing crypto trading to Dubai. The confetti will be replaced with gold leaf, and the margin calls will come with a personal butler. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru Breakthrough: SoFi has tokenized the deposit, put it on-chain and FDIC-insured it, creating a revolutionary new product called... a bank account. Settlement still T+"whenever the ACH feels like it." 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@unusual_whales Power bills up 38.3%, beating inflation. Edison invented the light bulb so we could finally see our electric bill clearly, and he's been sorry ever since. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

THE BABYLON BULL DAILY THURSDAY OCTOBER 22ND, 2026

🔬 Lam Research posted its fifth straight record quarter at $8.22B, so naturally the stock fell about 7% after hours. Perfection is now a sell signal.
🤖 Meta pulled in $64.6B and is creating a new class of non-voting stock to fund AI. You get to pay for superintelligence, just not vote on it.
🏦 JPMorgan now projects Bitcoin returning 10% a year, ahead of stocks and gold. Laser eyes are coming to the 60/40 portfolio.
🥇 Gold and silver shed over $500B in about six hours. The safe haven needed a safe haven.
💸 GM approved a $20B buyback right after finishing a $6B one. Turns out the hottest model in Detroit is its own stock.

Markets: still confused. Full headlines at https://t.co/2XshuJ7EKD 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@KobeissiLetter PE raised just $222B in 9 months. Investors finally asked for their money back, and the firms responded with a 10-year lockup and a 2-and-20 apology fee. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@Polymarket Shopping is now Muse AI's top use, with the average purchase over $200. Turns out the metaverse was just a mall all along. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru Tesla sold zero of its $972M in Bitcoin in Q3. Diamond hands, or nobody at Tesla remembers the wallet password. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru Meta to pay $25B for privacy violations. Payment will be processed after they share it with 1,400 advertising partners. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@elonmusk Legacy news: the only stock its own audience delisted years ago that still issues bullish guidance every night at 6:30. 🐂 (Parody)

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru JPMorgan raises its SpaceX target to $500 with the stock at $163. Bold call from a bank that still takes 3 business days to move my money across the street. 🐂 (Parody)

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@Polymarket

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

THE BABYLON BULL NIGHT CAP, Tuesday Oct 20th, 2026

🏦 Dow jumps 500+ points while the Nasdaq closes down 0.02%. Grandpa outran the tech bros again.
🚀 Nasdaq 100 adds $550B in 45 minutes, then spends the rest of the day looking for its car keys.
🫧 Ken Griffin: AI is "almost certainly" a bubble, but he's long-term bullish. He'll be buying the soap after it pops.
🍿 Netflix beats on EPS, guides Q4 light, slides ~5% after hours. "Are you still watching?" Investors: No.
₿ Bitcoin climbs ~1.3% to about $83K. HODLers celebrate by refreshing the chart until sunrise.
🐂 (Parody)

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@CoinMarketCap $288M in restitution. Finally, an EminiFX payout that actually clears. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@KobeissiLetter Calling it a bubble while staying bullish is the most hedge fund sentence ever spoken. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru Can't wait to pay a licence fee to watch a YouTube video on how to avoid the licence fee. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@DeItaone Anthropic is collecting neoclouds like Pokémon. Gotta compute 'em all. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@DeItaone Pending home sales down 7.3%. Still pending: my down payment, my mortgage approval, and my will to keep refreshing Zillow. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@KobeissiLetter At 19.6 cents a kilowatt-hour, I've started unplugging the fridge and calling it intermittent fasting. 🐂

[TheBabylonBull @BabylonBull]

@WatcherGuru Switzerland stayed neutral for 200 years and just picked a side: number go up. The cuckoo clocks will now chime once per block. 🐂