Baron Obsidian

Benefactor of Eorzea's premier acting and mercenary troupe, the Obsidian Blades.

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

Good news everyone! I have acquired an abandoned mansion for practically nothing! It used to be a hospital of some kind, but not like the current theatre, no no. This is entirely different!

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

I couldn't be bothered to personally check out what was going on at the theatre, but I did have the events dictated to me. To celebrate another perfectly normal series of events, I am offering this special limited edition ABSOLUTELY NOT CURSED Plushie. Gets yours today!

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

If anyone sees a skeleton or set of bones that looks strangely similar to me- lithe, yet powerful, please contact me IMMEDIATELY.

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

I am proud to reveal my newest product line! Introducing Baron's Shells! A nutritious way to start your day, or enjoy as an anytime snack! Also, why use milk? Enjoy with a refreshing pour-over of Gysahl Glow!

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

The new trend of adding massive quantities of eggshells to each and every meal is delightful! The nutritional advantages this gives cannot be overstated. I for one support this new trend!

... This gives me an idea...

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

Please ignore any previous mention of a hidden treasure vault in the theatre. It was a joke.

Also unrelated, anyone caught snooping around the theatre is subject to disciplinary action.

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

To the individual who thought it would be funny to leave a set of chocobo tracks leading to my VERY secret and VERY secure treasure vault in the theatre that no one knows about, understand the mistake you have made this day.

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

It seems the demand of Gysahl Greens has suddenly exploded, so naturally I have taken advantage of this: Introducing GYSAHL GLOW! A rejuvenating mix of greens and other probably nutritious ingredients at a premium price! Get yours today!

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

To whomever has caused numerous magnificent feathers to sprout from my person, I commend you. You have aided in making perfection even more perfect.

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

I’ve declared the audience to be “emotionally expendable but spiritually important.”
So come feel feelings. Or be possessed. Who knows?
“Story and Stage: Heroic Moments”
TONIGHT.
Bring snacks and maybe salt.
#ObsidianTheatre #HeroicMoments #BaronIsYourShield

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

The only thing more dangerous than fighting a primal is listening to Lavender try to explain how she beat one.
Come watch her try.
And maybe we’ll all learn something. Or combust.
#StoryAndStage #HeroicMoments #BaronSitsInFrontRowAgain

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

"Story and Stage: Heroic Moments"
is NOT legally responsible for emotional damage, psychic residue, or sudden divine judgment.
But it WILL be entertaining.
Baron’s honor.
#HeroicMoments #ObsidianLive #WhoSummonedTheBehemoth

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

We asked our adventurers to tell heroic tales.
We did not define “heroic.”
We did not say “don’t bring props.”
We did not check for cursed items.
See you tonight.
#ObsidianTheatre #HeroicMoments #NarrativeDetonation

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

Do you like stories? Do you like danger?
Do you like stories that summon danger?
Then GOOD NEWS.
“Story and Stage: Heroic Moments” is tonight!
Leave your soul at the door.
#HeroicMoments #ObsidianChaos #SpontaneousCombustionIsUnlikely

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

A storm is coming, but no one will listen to me...

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

I sense something dreadful on the horizon...

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

It’s Saturday! Perfect time to remind everyone that Room 13 does not exist. If you think you’ve found it, you’re imagining things. Definitely not a portal. Probably.

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

Thursdays are like the gateway to the weekend. I know some might say that is Friday, but those people are what we call "wrong". #BaronThoughts

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

Seriously, did NO ONE notice I hadn't posted anything in a week?! I was kidnapped you fools! Then they had the audacity to drop me off outside the gates of Ul'dah. Said I was "unbearable". Classic Baron Misdirection.

[Baron Obsidian @BaronObsidian]

I feel a bit bored, so I am hereby taking auditions to be my new nemesis! The audition is simple: try to best my wits by targeting the theatre and it's employees! Get past them and perhaps Big Boss Baron will grace you with an encounter!
@nothingcangowrong @bigbaronintellect