Phantasus

Catholic. DJT Loyalist. Reluctant Finance Bro. Gondor Nationalist. Cripplingly average chess ELO.

[Moongazer @joeybeastmarket]

Women are incapable of watching a movie in the presence of a man without experiencing sudden onset faceblindness and a total cessation of hippocampus function. You can be an hour in and she will go “ohmygod he’s cute who is he” and it’s the main character.

I remember in college I was seeing this girl and invited her to my house to watch a movie. Really such a great method for putting together a great lineup of rainy day movies. A half hour of absentminded watching with your arm around bae to determine if it’s a good movie before copulation.

It was very important for me to already have pre-selected three movies before her arrival. Otherwise we would end up scrolling through every movie ever made before settling for one of the first ten we saw at the top of the page. It was in this pre-selection process that a film caught my eye: The Prestige.

I’d heard of the movie. I knew it was a good movie. Id never seen it. Never heard anything else. Choice 1. My eyes glazed over as I made note of the other 2 potential suitors but my heart was already set.

She arrives soon thereafter. She’s looking particularly sensual tonight. She is wearing Lancôme La Vie Est Belle— she always wore it when we met in this setting. I liked it but only as much as a retarded college kid liked anything adjacent to getting laid. A waft of this scent today seriously harms me.

I greet her at the door. I kiss her on the cheek. This is so she knows I have no romantic feelings for her. We exchange pleasantries. This is so she knows I am not a lizard person.

I hand her the remote while I head to the kitchen to get us a couple of glasses of wine. Malbec. Women become quite sexual when they drink Malbec.

I return to the couch and cozy up next to her. She’s indecisive on what to watch. I make a suggestion. The Prestige. She approves. The movie begins.

Fifteen minutes pass. I am completely encapsulated. There is only me and this film. I’ve yet to touch my wine. I quickly realize what’s at stake and lean forward, have a sip, and then return to the cushion, putting my arm around her back.

I re-engage with the movie. I’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve not once checked my phone. This is all I care about now.

We’re nearly an hour in. I’ve not spoken a word to her. She has not spoken a word to me. We’re both completely captivated by this masterpiece. Or so I thought.

I remember vividly what happens next. The silence is broken. My entire worldview is shattered.

“Who is he again?” I audibly gasp when she says it. She is referring to Hugh Jackman, one of the protagonists of the film. He’s taken up no less than 30% of the screen time so far.

“The… main character?” I inquire, unable to hide my sarcasm.

“Oh is that who he is?”

“I don’t understand how you don’t know that yet.”

These words upset her greatly. We begin to argue. She says I was mean. I tell her sorry but she confused me. We go back and forth. Bickering. I start to apologize.

Suddenly there is a crescendo on the screen. I break eye contact and turn to the tv. Something insane has happened. I instinctively pause the movie so as not to miss anything else.

She does not like this. She’s standing up and getting her coat. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I’m incapable of defending my actions at this point. I’m reduced to saying sorry and please don’t go. These words have no impact on her. She tells me to never booty call her again before slamming my door and driving away.

I sit in silence, completely dumbfounded. I turn to the TV.

I immediately restart the movie. It’s unreal. I text her “I’m sorry” at 2am. She never replies. I go to sleep sexless. The next day an anonymous Yik Yak post describes our encounter. I am painted in an unfairly negative light. I do not care. I watch The Prestige until it’s time for class.

I receive a text message. “You’re an asshole.”

At least I’m not retarded? Learn to pay attention. It’s called watching a movie.

I learn nearly nothing from the experience.

[atlas @creatine_cycle]

i am sourcing a wife for a certain someone (it's me)

he's

* SF
* Australian
* Very low IQ (unemployed)
* Moved away from family
* 27 + wants to podcast
* Kind of short, big and wide but in a weird way
* Non-verbal, but in a fun way

Who’s on the market?

[wanye @xwanyex]

Nobody cares or needs to hear this from me, but I’m just registering my opinion that:

1) LLMs are a totally ordinary technology. But so were cars. Ordinary technologies can have big impacts.

2) They are *very obviously* not reasoning and the way that smart people specifically trick themselves on this point is critical to understanding many things about the world.

[Cimmerian Pervert @cimmerian_v]

Your “Based Politics” sir

[garfieldbot @robertlasagna1]

I'm looking at all this gender age gap romance dating discourse stuff and I gotta say I think it was probably bad that we spent a generation treating pregnancy as a sexually transmitted disease that will kill you and ruin your life

[𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐝𝐮𝐬 @ImperiumFirst]

“What’s this?”

“Your timeline sir”

“No, that can’t be right. Where’s all the greek statue pfps?”

“They’re banished to indian twitter sir”

[Paul @WomanDefiner]

4 episodes through Knight of the Seven Kingdoms now and dare I say its the best Game of Thrones show.

[Paul @WomanDefiner]

If you have time this morning please say a prayer for our brother here who is really going through it.

[JT @jiratickets]

just saw a girl on the subway presumably on her way to work a job I think I’m gonna throw up

[BowTiedRanger @BowTiedRanger]

To those who participated in the Christmas ‘24 H1B Chimp Out:

Thank you for your service to this country.

[Phantasus @BasedPhantasus]

@capeandcowell It’s incredible just how bad limpdicked liberals are at sounding tough - he looks like an alien from Men In Black in this clip, contorting his neck in all these weird ways to try and drive his point home.

[Phantasus @BasedPhantasus]

@FischerKing64 They have already justified their violence, too

[Phantasus @BasedPhantasus]

@9mmsmg https://t.co/ZCmQNZtt3e

[Cimmerian Pervert @cimmerian_v]

St. Augustine says, in The City of God, that peacefulness in the face of a grave wrong that could only be stopped by action is a sin. The sacred seat of virtue is the heart.

[T.R. Hudson @tr_hudson]

I never want to hear "why do you use an anonymous account?" again

[Phantasus @BasedPhantasus]

@FischerKing64 They have already justified their violence, too

[Phantasus @BasedPhantasus]

@Geiger_Capital @MSNBC I would like that bald coward to be a little more specific about which “awful words” make Charlie deserving of being shot.