Baseless Rumors

Hear-say! Completely unfounded!

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Amanda Peet has donated her breasts to science. The science of love.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Julia Child reconstituted her ashes today, became fully reanimated, made out with Giada De Laurentiis, and tore out Mario Batali's heart.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Professional Golfer Tiger Woods has been gunned down by the posse of East Coast Bocce Pro Umberto Granaglia.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

In his spare time, President Obama has successfully manufactured a motorcycle powered by human leg power. He named it "RapidFleet GoZoom."

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

A consortium of Ethiopian attorneys has trademarked the phrases:
"Nigerian e-mail scam", Nigerian internet scam", and other variations.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

High levels of narcotics detected in the hot dogs sold at the 1984 World's Fair.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Mexican man wins silent auction for only remaining recording of Tokugawa Nariaki and Abraham Lincoln preforming primitive form of karaoke.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

A male hygiene product with ridges and a super absorbent core has been introduced. Ads are first to use 3D glasses for playmate spokeswoman.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

During a live taping, several CNN pundits have managed to break out of their on-screen boxes and begun to eat the weakest of the group.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Hey kids: Tommy Twinkie has hidden four amaretto cream Twinkies around the world. Redeem them for a tour of his secretive Twinkie factory!

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Jenna Elfman has been tapped to compose the theme song to new reality show starring Danny Elfman as a down-on-his-luck jingle composer.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Oregon doctor has successfully attached a man's hand to a monkey's back. Other monkeys reportedly taken aback.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Sources share that 7 of the top food companies are in heated negotiations for rights to the slogan: "Amazing when applied to the clitoris."

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

If you or anyone you know has loose-leaf notebook paper, destroy it immediately. The CIA has begun a pogrom against writing material.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Use of ratchet drivers for non-prescribed purposes is quickly becoming the #1 recorded cause-of-death in chimpanzees for 2009.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Reports are coming in that violent arrests are up in Kuala Lumpur.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

50% of all Hot Pockets sold in the U.S. are reported to contain one of the following: broken glass, diet pills, $100 bill, or pepperoni.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

At this time, we are confident to report that former President Bush has become stuck in a recursive loop.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Steve Jobs has reportedly had both legs surgically removed. In their place? Two user-friendly, state-of-the-art, white, plastic, pegs.

[Baseless Rumors @BaselessRumors]

Word has it that Kirsten Dunst has a third nipple.