b⚡️

[throwbacks @solelynostalgia]

he would’ve fought the hantavirus himself if it was on his ship

[Britsky @TBrit90]

The Good Year Zeppelin is engaging the Iranian navy.

[yuri!!! and its the star with confetti behind @yuriiiiButAStar]

Thought that was her title. Miss Paint Tuna

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

my favorite part of being alive is having to wipe the kitchen counters off 317 times a day everyday forever.

[cooper @marnieapologist]

my body does not know the difference between a mistake at work and being hunted for sport

[𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥 @homemakinghunny]

My husband and I realizing that neither of us wants to cook or clean up from dinner and we both want the same kind of take out.

[Carnivore Aurelius ©🥩 ☀️🦙 @AlpacaAurelius]

cows make ribeyes and milk out of grass and then poop out psychedelic mushrooms and you dont believe god exists?

[Schaffrillas @Schaffrillas]

In elementary school you're really led to believe that King Tut is a bigger deal than he is

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

Me at 18:
If I’m home by 4 a.m., I can still
wake up for work at 6.

Me now:
We are absolutely not starting
a movie at 8 p.m.

[Mohammad @MargBarAmerica]

calenderheads your patience has paid off. we’re so close to feasting

[Peter St Onge, Ph.D. @profstonge]

USDA issues New Food Pyramid

- Meat is king
- Whole milk, not skim milk
- Eggs are off the naughty list
- Sugary fruits demoted
- Lucky Charms no longer rank higher than steak

The world is healing.

[𝚂𝚑𝚒. ✶ @chamoulie]

old people are right about crosswords and morning stretches i will admit

[first ethical space cowboy @cowboybecsbop]

obviously there are exceptions but people who do their grocery shopping at Target are fuckin bonkers to me

[Gary Brecka @thegarybrecka]

Why do people only lose control around packaged foods?

No one binges on:
- Steak
- Eggs
- Potatoes
- Fruit

That tells you everything you need to know.

[Clue Heywood @ClueHeywood]

Welcome to the Scariest Sunday of them all

[doomer @uncledoomer]

me by 9pm on new years eve

[_Lunnie.M.♊️💜 @LunnieDlamini]

NYE is weird bc it feels like a normal day but like you’re forgetting something.

[first ethical space cowboy @cowboybecsbop]

this is the type of shit that almost makes me proud to be an american

[College Football Zone @CollegeFBonX]

“It’s the Pop-Tart’s bowl. Both teams put sprinkles on their helmets and they have 6 live pop-tart mascots. The winning team gets to sacrifice one of them and then eat them live on the field. The trophy is also a fully functioning toaster. It’s the people’s national championship”