syke its meeeeeeee

27, she/her, bi💕, idek at this point, pro choice, social activist, nerd, geek, say hi I dont bite :D

[𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆🫧💚 @beyoncegarden]

he CLEARED him so bad i’m crying😭

[Sassington, M.C. @MissSassbox]

this was as close to the aesthetic and choreography masterpiece that was Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' and Prince's 'Batman' video as we will ever get

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[bONGO 🌹 @wariocolosseum]

it’s very refreshing seeing a company actually push back against ai instead of submitting to it

[Nadja || salty-autistic-writer ∞ ✍🏻 @salty_nd_writer]

sad gay silence while Carter enjoys his ice cream 😭😭😭

[Tony @theguynamedtony]

The thing I will always give Heated Rivalry flowers for is letting a muscled dude be carried romantically because I feel like most mlm media with similar scenes only lets the twinks get picked up

[TheFrenchie @ML3democrats]

this might be the first time in US history a city mayor is more popular nationally than the president

[Gay Mon-Fri. Straight on Wknds @MYTHALLICA]

It’s crazy that this movie still has the best modern werewolf design IMO

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Hear me out…

Since we’re having such a hard time finding male candidates without a history of abuse, sexual assault, or rape maybe it’s time we started electing more women.

[mille ꕤ @otbperrie]

how life feels when you love both connor storrie and hudson williams and aren’t a miserable b*tch on this damn app.

[James Tate @JamesTate121]

I think women should decide what to do with Mitch McConnell's body since he decided what to do with theirs.

[ؘ @versacedl]

há 9 anos a dua lipa lançava 3 regras de relacionamento pra no final não seguir nenhuma

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

It will never not be insane to me that someone could have a billion dollars and still fight tooth and nail to have even more money? Like, you won, it’s over, build a library or help end hunger. Fully fund endometriosis research and become a hero. Real unimaginative loser shit.

[ALUTHEDON @Mbakaza4L]

I am convinced that Mamdani is fixing things that’s been bugging him for years. I don’t blame him obviously, it just cracks me up.