Mailbox Delivery Driver

Often I wonder whether a mailbox is better than a delivery driver, let alone the UPS people

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

One last tidbit on the mailmen. They miss the days, deep in their soul, when they rode for the pony express. If you feel kindness in your heart, I sell horseflags you can put on your mailbox

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

If you’re feeling really brutal, shriek at the mailman until he clamps his ears and runs over the nearest pet animal. Then, guilt him by dangling the light-eyes carcass before him chanting in American prose poetry

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

If you find yourself antagonized by a mailman, don’t be alarmed, simply yell at him relentlessly until he drives away

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

My new favorite hobby is being really rude to mailmen. Especially really personal insults

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

If you’re interested in learning about my social philosophy, please bury your pet rabbit in your yard

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

@benshapiro This is the worst aphorism I’ve ever heard in my life

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

*INSTANT RESPONSE* This is the aspiration of my digital interface

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

@realDonaldTrump Step in, assert your local authority as a consul returning to his senatorial land

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

Just to let everyone know, my internet broke and now I have a headache

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

@OhMyGodby64 Still a weak posture

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

@realDonaldTrump Kinda seems more secure honestly

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

My breakfast was a salad = 1/2 bag of pizza rolls (14 minutes), Duo Cheezits, a handful of lettuce, sliced cucumber, gourmet pickles, and Love.

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

@NoahPollak @benshapiro It seems parliamentarian to me

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

The thing about periods is that when you end a tweet with them it makes everyone a little uncomfortable

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

Once again I find myself in this creaky room we call the Twitter mind.

[chet lightning @nickleslie02]

My brother traded a set of golf clubs to my dad in exchange for a bigger trashcan for our apartment if that transaction doesn’t give you an idea of who we are as a family idk what will

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

Christ, dude.

[Mailbox Delivery Driver @BecanFloyd]

I saw a guy today who had rabies. I then prodded him, and now I have a new least favorite friend.