Today is a day to take a moment to understand how truly lucky you are to be alive right now, right this moment. Because today there will be two college football bowl games played in baseball stadiums, a bowl sponsored by Snoop Dogg, a bowl between two teams in the same conference, and the ritualistic sacrifice of a Pop-Tart.
Mankind cannot, and will not, be stopped.
“Texas is playing the second best team from the state of South Carolina. But they are the ACC Champs. That’s like winning a vcr in 2024. It would’ve been cool like 30 years ago.”
-Sportscenter Fire Em’ Up segment
MSNBC reports that the backpack found in Central Park, believed to be from the United Healthcare CEO killer, did not contain a gun.
Instead, they found Monopoly money and a jacket.