be glad that

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[be glad that @begIadthat]

you're not Jabba the Hutt

[be glad that @begIadthat]

you dont look like a burnt zucchini

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Kermit saved your life

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^^

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you're not an autistic sloth

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you're not a homeless person

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this isnt you

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Guacamole doesn't cause cancer

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You haven't contracted aids (yet)

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Nickelback stopped recording albums

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you haven't been catfished

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your dad came back from the store

[be glad that @begIadthat]

you're not a fuck boy who captions his selfies "hey baby girl"

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you're not a twitter rapper

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you never made money off the Iraq war

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you're not will smiths unknown son

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You're not sexually involved with a porcupine

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You've never been forced to have sexual relations with Rosie O'Donnell

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you dont look like rufus from kim possible

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you're not iggys rap career