Rachel Stefani

Maybe I'm just like you.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

When your architect used metric.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Which bird has a throat pouch that's completely useless for storing fish?

The pelican't.

I'll see myself to the gallow...

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

I imagine you all just think "Thank fuck I managed not to say that... Now where can I get rid of it?" and that's why I'm following.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

So Jesus went zombie after three days?

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

How long can you be right on the verge of sneezing? I think I'm on day six now.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Life is a struggle to stay afloat.

Let that sink in.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

"A certain degree of discretion might be in order if you understand me."
"Got it. Fahrenheit. No? Celcius? Help me out here!"

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

I can't seem to get the hang of covering my PIN because I get robbed two bucks every time.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

I'm gonna call you... Ukraine.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

So you preach the word? On Twitter we call that "stealing tweets" but we do it from different accounts rather than just God.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Defrost means "to voluntarily wait salivating for longer than necessary" in microwave.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Best male actor goes to Leo for being totaled on ludes in Wolf of Wall Street. He also does it again for a whole movie but now it's a bear.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Deinfe "obsolete".

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Imma rearrange your face, otterfucker!

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

"You are the light of my life" I say opening my fridge.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

I'm just not sure but give me your eye contact details and I'll think about it.

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Is there a green button somewhere?

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Is there a way of not losing all respect for people who question why you know who directed the movie they're talking about?

[Rachel Stefani @BeingRachelS]

Agreed!