Bella Clegg

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

I flunked out of clown college due to taking it too seriously. http://t.co/BhznxITx0z

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

There's nothing more deceitful than the word "booby trap". http://t.co/NdvcYrkgm4

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/CkEF6R89h5 At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured.

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

You know you're on Twitter too much when you start learning the news from the jokes. http://t.co/0QUtJXwlu7

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/7gOkyxLLGG If I could be any arithmetic operation, I'd be subtraction. I just want to make a difference.

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

Dear freight trains, way to be stuck in the 19th century. http://t.co/NC3xcKmXUW

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/Qd8fdxTNnV My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

I never wear red because I don't want to anger any bulls disguised as cab drivers or businessmen. http://t.co/vUdHhXNhUu

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

I'm guessing Minnie uses mouse pads when it's that time of the month. http://t.co/IJwZ9xIhxb

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/xGITaNhDpH Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February.

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

Eating a banana faster to try and hide it only makes you look even more gay. http://t.co/jPBhQiOBsL

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

To avoid identity theft when I die I want to be shredded. http://t.co/FhhS7kQazY

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/NHB2vtcZcC "I hate this quilt." - my wife, a person capable of hating a quilt

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

There should be a self-destruct button for when someone catches you taking a picture of yourself. http://t.co/kQ01woRIq3

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/YVz5TvtM6n I love that one Reggae song. You know, that one about weed.

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/IuBJrGh8gg Naps are for old people. I was taking a horizontal life pause.

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

What's up with these strippers not taking my singles??? They must not like Kraft http://t.co/e9tcJSdel5

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/Uh3hv84ImI Million Dollar hipster food idea: Insta.ham

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

http://t.co/QK8ZFoAvd5 "What is that, a banana? Aw, who gives a shit." -Disinterested George

[Bella Clegg @BellaClegg]

This ceiling fan keeps knocking over my ceiling furniture. http://t.co/bxCL9acx6d