Ben Kacsandi

If Joe Exotic’s wrong I don’t wanna be right

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Ate 10 zebra cakes today
Don’t 👏 give a 👏 fuck 👏

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

The 17 kid to 6 parent ratio at the pool right now leads me to confidently hypothesize that 91% of all adult reusable water bottles contain alcohol.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

So after some reflection and much needed closure from that spider chick situation I’ve decided that honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. Moral of the story... If you find yourself caught up in a web of lies, get out!

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

@EmilyKacsandi You’re telling me, I just had a fling with a spider...

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Well it’s over with the spider. Caught her in web with another dude. There were legs everywhere. Apparently it’s her ex and they’re getting back together. Makes sense though, I mean how can I compete with a guy she calls “Daddy Long Legs?”

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Well it’s over with the spider. Caught her in web with another dude. There were legs everywhere. Apparently it’s her ex and they’re getting back together. At the end of the day how can I compete with a guy she calls “Daddy Long Legs.” Gross.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Freaking out so I’m going to drive by her web, see if she’s home. I know I sound crazy but I can’t deny these feelings. My spidey sense has been tingling since the day we met.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Still nothing from the spider so I sent her this poem:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I really Arach-need
To talk to you!

p.s. please text me back

Just a waiting game now...

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Update: pretty sure I’m getting ghosted by this spider after making travel plans. I’m texting and getting nothing but crickets... for her to eat. Basically the “chocolate” of the spider community. Hope this works 🤞

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Follow up on the spider situation. We had drinks and totally hit it off. Decided to get either a cabin in the Poconos or do an all-inclusive thing in the Jamaica when the pandemic is over. Might be moving to fast but Yolo.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Huge spider in my bathroom. Decided not to kill it last night for some reason. This morning a huge moth that has been flying around my room was in the spider’s web... not sure what this is called but it’s my new love language.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

$50,000 to a charity of his choice if Gronk is NOT hiding in the woods collecting all the golf balls that TB12 is hitting out of bounds. #TheMatch

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

MJ gonna use his grudge about not being invited to play in #TheMatch when he comes back out of retirement to play for The Monstars in #SpaceJam2

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

TB12 just spotted in the woods hiring this guy for the back 9... #TheMatch

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

TB12 just looking for the fairway...
#TheMatch

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

I would pay good money to get punched in the face by Mike Tyson and wake up when the world is open again.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

@CanettiHannah Nope, that’s just the chemical reaction with the alcohol you have in there.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

AMC is “so out of content” that they played Jingle All The Way and Home Alone last night... jokes on you, I’ve never been happier.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

Decided to get trim so instead of eating half a bag of Cooler Ranch Doritos I ate 900 mini pretzel sticks. Goodbye dad bod hello washboard belly.

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

This brings me pure joy

[IMDb @IMDb]

This music video of Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams singing as an Icelandic band for their upcoming @NetflixFilm is what dreams are made of. 😂 https://t.co/yOkaplRiaY

[Ben Kacsandi @BenKacsandi]

When she orders a full price drink during happy hour