Dapper Dan

Just a Turkey. Doing what a Turkey does. Trying to better myself. SIBV. Socks #006. AYF. WHU.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

Tom Cruise. Rather than doing his own stunts, should we be informed whether he applies his own wig? Super Bowl slot the other night. The tell tale curl on the back of the neck. We need to know.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@GMB I have half a dozen pairs of jeans and have never washed any of them. The oldest are about 10 years old. It washes the dye out and I like my jeans dark. They do get a spray inside with a clothes refresher every now and then, but that's it. I'm clean, my underwear is clean.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@SkySportsNFL @neilreynoldsnfl @JasonBell33 @Phoebe_Schecter Is it true that you are only a wig away from going straight to one of your Shakin Stevens tribute gigs after the Bills/Lions game??

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@SkySportsNFL Phoebe is a hero of mine for many reasons. However, she referenced 'check downs', now I've only been watching this Sport for 44 years and haven't got that far yet. #WhatDoesItMean

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@mv_primary Hi, Honeys Dad here. Just approaching Bracknell. M25 was shut! Be there by 11.40. Sorry.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@mrslt1sdale8 You are like an adventure playground on legs and I want to explore.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@susannareid100 @GMB You need to watch out for that blouse. It seems to have the ability to do itself up! 😉

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@westhamnetwork "......listen Jarrod, I've made this whole thing abundantly clear, either I get a go with your Mrs, or it's the bench for you......"

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@lissywhu .....such Pretty Bubbles.....

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

So, India launches a trip to the Moon and the World watches.

Meanwhile, on the Streets of every City, Town and Village in India, are people starving and in some of the worst poverty conditions in the World.

And we and many other Nations are paying to help the Poor.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

NEWSFLASH: The Spuds are messaging saying they have been wrapped up by Old Bill in Singapore. They wanted to meet off manor and luckily one of their tip-offs to Plod meant they got found and an Escort to bring them in.
They should be there by Friday.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@COYIronscom Neither. I'm a grown man. I did, however, ask my 7 year old daughter and she said Rice. I asked why!? She said she'd never heard of Payet.

If you're going to continue needing tissues to dry your eyes, may I suggest something with a Balsam.

Remember who we are.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@glennisgod Awful. Don't get that with the socks either. See blokes with decent clobber and Claire's, then little white thin socks turned down. My daughter does her school shoes like that. She's 7.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@Kensington_Gore Brett Anderson Loves Lilo's

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@SusanEacock I've just spent the last 15 minutes sticking my Disability Payments up my bumhole just to spite you.

And I finished my pack of Maryland Cookies that are meant to last me the month.

Shame on you for triggering my sugar coma when I need to be getting to the 24hrShop for Anusol!

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

Fuck sake, someone get his new squeeze a watch for Christ's sake.....#bigstage2023

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@sophiepollitt You too. It's sunny out. Not a cloud in the sky. My head will tell me that staying in is best. Maybe draw the curtains.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@sophiepollitt You're not alone. About a fortnight ago mine struck again. Why? I was anxious that I'd been feeling less anxious. F**king crackers. Chin up.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@OfficialBigDave The day Tevez and Mascherano were paraded. Chelsea!? The deal stunk. My ticket was on my own, £42! Sold it in The Village. Never bought another. As well as £250 a month extra, I also have time for Mrs and Kids.Would take a huge change for me to go back. And Stratford isn't it.

[Dapper Dan @BernardDaTurkey]

@MrPaulRobinson The other thing I took from that is it reads like he's been sacked from a shit 90s menswear graveyard. '....so, if you need some new polyester trousers to impress your Valentine, get down to Men's First, where manager Nathan Jones will check which side you dress....'.